All the feelings of the rainbow...

I’m just so tired.

If I was living back in Canada, I wouldn’t be worried.
But because I’m living here, I instantly start analyzing the situation and wondering it has something to do with my expat life...Am I not tough enough to stick it out here? Is this lifestyle not for me?

I find that in the span of ONE day, or ONE week, or ONE rotation – I have a lot of ups and a lot of downs. When I lived in Canada, I don’t think I had such ups and downs… or at least not all in the same day…or in the same hour…

But as an expat? In the span of one day I can be mad, thrilled, frustrated, happy, calm, elated, and overwhelmed.
Can I choose all of them???

I know I’m not the only expat that goes through this…a lot of people have talked to me about the ups and the downs. It helps to know that I’m not entirely crazy and that others experience the same feelings. But…while I’m going through the feelings? It’s not much comfort.

Life could be – much, much, MUCH worse. I have my health, great family and friends, no money troubles, a safe roof over my head, food every day (even if it doesn’t always taste good ), a driver to get me to and from work (or at least some expats that share theirs or help me out so that I don’t spend half an hour every day chasing around people for a ride), I like the people I work with, I really like working with my main boss (and I’m certain he doesn’t read this blog, so I’m not saying that to suck up!!), I have a great job that I like and allows me to travel the world, etc....

But...I'm finding harder and harder to see just how great things are.

So along with the skittles bag of feelings I get in any given hour or day…I also have the guilt for not just accepting the great things in my life and not ignroing the negative feelings that I'm struggling with this week. I should be happy…I should be thankful for everything… life is really, really great.

But right now, I’m tired, I haven’t been sleeping that well, I’m easily irritated, and just…well…crankier. Yes, I still have my good moments and I'm not followed by a raincloud wherever I go...

But Tuesday can't come soon enough.
I'm beyond ready for a good...three days of sleep + drinking/eating fresh, healthy food + livin' it up in a first world country for a few weeks.
Know what the really sick thing is??? I'll be missing this freaking place in a week.
Maybe I should re-think that "not entirely crazy" comment....

1 comment:

  1. You need to eat 3 choclate bars RIGHT NOW!