Dental Drama

Has anyone heard of a dental implant before? It's apparently a "routine" dental procedure to insert a metal screw into your bone. A fake tooth is the attached to the screw. Just typing that sentence makes me very squeemish...and....I'm getting one done tomorrow. YUCK!

Part of the procedure is a bone graft.....with material from a CADAVER.....As in DEAD BODY.

I just found this out today, and I'm like FIXATED with the idea of getting a dead person's bone junk attached to mine.

I intially thought that a bone graft was like the welding of the two bones together, but no, it's worse! The bone junk is in putty form, it's squirted in the hole that's drilled out (that if done incorrectly can break your jaw or go into your sinuses) and then my bone sort of grows over it so that it takes to the metal screw. I guess that the bone putty can then sometimes be dissolved within the body. So you basically have someone else's bone stuff running around in your body.

Um....is this not like...a plot to some cheesey sci-fi thriller movie?!?!?

Picture it....Woman comes home to from working in Africa for an ahem "routine" dental procedure.

The beginning of the movie is all smiles and laughs as she's reunited with family and friends. La, la, la...isn't life fabulous in Canada. Relaxing, clean, all bliss.

The tone of the movie changes as the woman goes to the dentist's office for the procedure (she drives past the jail on the way to the dentist). She's nervous. Omninous music plays in the background. She is medicated and then drifts off to sleep.

The "routine" dental implant is completed, along with the bone graft and the "routine" deposit of bone putty junk.

After the procedure, the dentist goes back to his office. He's horrified when he realizes that that the patient was given the wrong bone donor!?! There was a horrible mix up!!! She was accidentally given the contents of a test tube from a radical criminology research experiment - Serial killer's bone junk mixed with radio active chemicals!!! (I'll just stop here to mention that in reality, my dentist's office is near two chemical plants and the provincial maximum security jail...)

The DNA of the serial killer is now inside her body!!

Because of the radioactive-ness (??) of the bone junk, the host body's brain is taken over by the crazed serial killer's!!!

Okay. Possibly a bit over the top but....I'm already trying to decide who will play me in this box office hit.

I think it's official. Jetlag...makes me completely crazy and completely dramatic. I'm happy to be back in Canada....but I can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

1 comment:

  1. good luck...you're tall so you'd have to have a tall actress play you...maybe charlize theron or what's her name from resident evil...maybe angelina jolie. hell, this is a better script than 99.99% of what hollywood passes off as movies...you should write it.

    Kbear the acct

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