Guide to Expatdom - In stores 2015

I’ve been an expatriate for a couple of years now.

Prior my expatriateness, I hadn’t left North America. I grew up very sheltered. In my adult life, I’m overemotional, I probably share too much information, I say the “F” word too often for a lady, I worry too much with results me struggling with anxiety, I am obsessed with chocolate, and I love my family and friends. And dogs.

This week a friend re-reminded me that I should write a book about expatriate life. Maybe not like a serious “I’m going to make money off this” book, but a for-fun book out on the internet. Since I’ve been feeling like writing lately but have nothing that I feel like writing about – I think this is a good idea. Now…just to find the time. I’m thinking….publication date of June 15, 2015.

Regardless if I ever wrote my pretend book on “Expatriateness”, I’ve come up with some potential chapters.

Chapter One: Preparation

• There is no such thing as too much research on Culture Shock
• Forget all you researched upon arrival
• Say goodbye to any of your reasonable expectation
• The importance of reading travel medication instruction

Chapter Two: Forget it!
How survival in your expatriate life depends on your ability to:

• Forget how everything you thought you knew about life at all
• Accept that 10% of your actual field experience counts for the work that you’ll do.

Chapter Three: Self-Awareness

• No, you’re not crazy. But you kind of are.
• How to cry at work and make it look like you have allergies
• How to realize when you’re just acting crazy because you’re overwhelmed with all the changes. Or because the power went out – while you are sitting on the toilet.
• How to accept the fact that you will never blend in and you will always be stared at. 

Chapter Four: Illness

• Jetlag – the undefined mental illness
• Diarrhea and vomiting – how they will become a way of life, an acceptable topic between colleagues, and the deciding factor of more than you’ll ever think.
• What to expect your first overnight hospital stay in a shipping container/makeshift medical clinic
• The importance of wearing suncreen (I'm sorry. I had to.)

Chapter Five: Food

• What NOT to eat
• What is “safe” to eat
• What is “safe” to eat but you will most likely get sick anyway

Chapter Six: Tears, Tears, and More Tears (I’ll be contacting Kleenex to sponsor this chapter)

Chapter Seven: Love

• Love in the expat community
• Love in the local community
• It’s not prostitution, it’s called making a living (um… might get some haters on this one.

Chapter Eight: Travelling

• If you got to Australia, don’t just stay in Sydney
• How to fly by the seat of your pants and last minute travel plans
• First Class Travel Syndrome
• The kindness of strangers

Chapter Nine: Languages

• Challenges of speaking a foreign language
• How to mess with others who are learning your language
• Frenglish (Part of me thinks this deserves a chapter on its own)

Chapter Ten: Moon-time Cycles
(I’m sorry. I have to talk about this. It’s a serious factor when it comes to dealing with all hell breaking lose, Boys can skip this chapter.)

Chapter Eleven: Small Town Living

• How Gossip and Rumors = Reality
• The 12th Commandment doesn’t apply here – you will be judged
• Maintaining friendships in the expatriate community

Chapter Twelve: Recreational activities

• Drinking – What’s acceptable and what warrants an intervention (my opinions only, of course
• Running – the sport you used to love when it wasn’t +40*C outside
• Pool time – Chlorine is your friend (especially when everyone is drinking all day but no one visits the toilets)
• The "Spa" - how to spot the difference between a "spa" offering massages and "masazes"

Chapter Thirteen: Sleep
It will never be the same. You’ll never get enough. (Although I've never had kids, and from what I've heard it gets A LOT worse!).

Chapter Fourteen: The tough stuff

• Dealing with Poverty and not letting it break you
• Homesickness
• Family Illness or death when you are away 

Chapter Fifteen: You're Different!

• Realizing that you’re not the same as before. Except you’re the same as before.
• Maintaining family and friend relationships as you change with your experiences.
• Realizing it's okay to not have a clue about your future. No really, it's okay.

Chapter Sixteen: Electrical Appliances are different in other countries.

Chapter Seventeen: Beginning an amazing relationship with a Quebecer (Contacting Cadbury Crème Eggs for sponsoring here) (had to end on a cheesy note there).

Whew. I’m sure there’s a few I've left out, like, How to live with daily power outages, Cell Phone Rings and just how dumb they can get, and Toilets of the World. But so far, I think it's a pretty good outline!! Like I said, keep your eyes open at Chapters in 2015.