Love Handles


I'm sure that most people struggle with weight at one point in their lives.

I've struggled with mine...all of it, I think. Since I'm being open and writing about what I want to and not giving a f***,  I'll talk about my struggles.

Growing up, I was never thin. Although looking back at pictures, I wish I would have realized how great I really looked. Then my 20's came. Partying, cooking for myself, eating out, I was overweight but not unhealthy. During my mid-20's I started running, but stayed the same weight. Then one day I decided I had enough "fat days" and decided to do Weight Watchers. It's a great program to learn about portions. I think their "new" program is a great way to learn about "real vs processed" food as well. I, took it a bit to the extreme. If I didn't know how many points something was - I just wouldn't eat it. The program worked wonderfully for me and I lost 40lbs. However, I followed it religiously and restrictively. I weighed myself far too often and really focused on not making sure I went over my "Points" instead of making sure I was aware of what I was eating.

Then I started to really get into running. I trained for a half-marathon. And the thing about long distance races is, a lot of people actually GAIN weight. Just like I did. When you're running 50km a week, you're hungry. You NEED to eat more. Long distance running is not a way to lose weight.

And then I stopped tracking and being so restrictive, and I gained the weight back. And then I went to Jenny Craig. Which worked perfectly. I was super busy and all their meals were prepared. It was kind of pricey, but I stuck to it and I started to see the results. And then Madagascar happened. There's no Jenny Craig in Madagascar....

For the first year or so in MG, my weight stayed the same. I was at a healthy, happy weight. Then I turned 30. And then I met Louis. I just looked back and realized that almost on our "dating anniversary", I've gained about 10-13 pounds each year we've been together (my weight really fluctuates from day to day). For anyone that can't do quick math, that's TWENTY SIX POUNDS.

I'm active. No, I don't work out as much as I should. Yes, I am in good shape. And, although I'm chubbier, I think most of my friends and family would still say that I look good. I think my BMI falls into the "overweight" section, but I'm pretty sure it always had. I'm not using that as my guage.

Also, since I'm six feet tall, gaining twenty odd pounds shows up in pictures, and people I haven't seen in a long time can notice, but my clothes still fit, I'm still able to run, I climbed a mountain, and cycled the "rolling hills" in Italy at my chubby weight.

But I'm really tired of it. It's really not the end of the world, and I know it's possible, but I'm struggling. Work hours, life the end it's all excuses. I need to make my health as much as a priority as anything else in my life. Maybe I can't exercise as much as I used to when I lived in Canada, but I can pay more attention to what I eat. No Weight Watchers, so obsessing over calories, but I will be using to at least be a little more aware of the overall composition and amount of food I'm putting into my body.

I do realize that in the big picture, twenty pounds on a tall frame isn't the end of the world. But I'm tired of thinking about it. I'd like to encorporate weight-loss into the long list of every-day challenges that I try to take on every day. I'll start with tracking on Sparkpeople. As far as goals, etc....I don't have a clue. I know that I'd like to be my pre-Louis weight, but how long it takes to get there, and how I'm going to get there, I haven't quite figured that out. I want a balance, I want to eat a bunch of candy every now and then (now and then is the key word!) and I'd like to visit Canada and not come back five pounds heavier every time...Hurgh...Well, admitting I have a problem is the first step?