Resting Day

To date, I haven't had a good night's sleep on this vacation. Partly because I'm focusing so hard on being thankful that my friend's brother isn't in pain anymore and that he's in a better place, and partly because we are busy!

Today in Xi'an we were supposed to visit a museum and something else (I can't ever remember) and I decided that today would be a good rest day. In the evening we see a show and have a traditional dinner (oooooo!!!! I can't wait!!!!!!!!! :*( ).

I needed some time to just not do anything. I'm making sure that I don't feel guilty for missing out on part of a day because I need to rest. It's a hard balance for me - our vacations come so often and we want to do so much, but we also have these vacations for REST and RECOVERY, and today I needed a day of rest. I'm not sleeping as much as I had hoped, but at least I'm relaxing. Thankfully my mom is totally fine going out by herself (with our guide) and you know what? I'll be in a much better place to enjoy the rest of the trip if I take care of myself first now.

An interesting fact has been highlighted this week - when something is going wrong with someone I care about - I am unable to accept that there are times where there is NOTHING I (or anyone else) CAN DO. A lot of my upsetness has come from the fact that I can't do anything. I can honor his memory, I can ask my family to attend to his memorial, but I can't fix it. My brain is running around in circles trying to think of everything I can do to make things better....but it can't be done. Last night I was up very late because I was just sad. I tried watching TV, I tried reading, my body was tired but I couldn't accept what had happened. Yes, I didn't see him that much anymore (I dated his brother for he was essentially part of my family for a few years and we all parted on good terms and kept in contact), and yes, it's not someone I'm super close to...but I really am having a hard time accepting death or accepting that the young and innocent can die. Maybe I went through this when I driver I helped out died...but chalked it up to things being different in Africa.

No one knows how to deal with death, but I didn't realize I didn't know how to let things go that are out of my control. Kind of interesting to think about things now.

Well, I'm off to rest. I keep telling myself that I'm going to purposely be so lazy that I'm not even going to go to the spa....but....well, I'll check my VISA statement first, I went a little shopping-crazy in Beijing. :D

1 comment:

  1. No one can every do much when there is a death close to you. Your doing all you can by honoring his memory and remembering your friends and family and stopping to smell the roses.Have a nice rest. Love G&G xxoo