Waterpark uh...fun?

Well, I have too many electronic devices set up with too many different times. I was all pumped that I had both slept through the night AND slept until 08h50. Our alarm is set to go off for 09h00 this morning. I turned if off and then went downstairs (SINCE WE'RE ATTACHED TO A SECOND CUP!!!) and got a coffee for Louis and I. I was going to wake him up with coffee in bed! (OK, not as cool as breakfast in bed, but still cool).

I get the coffee, go back upstairs, wake him up, and he's all groggy and like, "What time is it?". I tell him it's 09h00, he looks at his watch and it's 07h00. I looked at my iPod clock which is set on Montreal time for some stupid reason. So  I'm up two hours before everyone else. Oh well, I have a lots of things I need to catch up on and....(what's most likely going to happen) have access to a CANADIAN TV, with CANADIAN (or more like American) TV shows.

Yesterday we went to West Edmonton Mall Waterpark. Since I'm all like, thrill ride enthusiast, I thought we should hit up one of the crazy ones first. Anyone see any problem with that last sentence? Ok, when I was a pre-teen, I was a thrill ride enthusiast. As an old married lady, I like the kiddies slide, the lounger, and the hot tub. Oh, the wave pool is good too.

3.34 seconds into the first slide, I SMASHED my head to the point of disorientation. I just tried to keep myself from smashing my head again and tried to keep my wits about me (last five words prove I'm an old lady). I came out of the slide and couldn't quite get out of the pool without a bit of fumbling. I tell Louis that I hit my head, but let's face it, I get dramatic over a paper cut so he's kind of just like, "Ok, you'll be alright", and we kept on going to the next "EXTREME" slide. I was so confused, it was entirely in the dark, and when I came out I couldn't walk a straight line. I decided it was time for me to take a break and go to our cabana area thing and lay on the lounger (which is always a good idea when you have a head injury??!).

Louis came back to get me a half hour later and my vertigo was gone but man, I had a freaking headache!!!!!!! So we all went into the wave pool for a bit, and then I asked them to take me on a milder slide. We went on one and I was like, Wow! I really hate water slides! You feel like you're going to fall out, and then you come smashing into the water and get a nose-enema (I have this defect where unless I'm holding my nose it gets filled with water). I went on one more "easier" slide and then I was like, Um guys? I'm going to get my book and sit on the lounger for a bit.

OHHH EMMMMMM GEEEEEE. Like, seriously. I'm going to be one of those people. Potentially one of those "moms". Louis will say, "OK, kids, let's go leave your mom read and we'll go on the slides!" Followed by cheers and high-fives while I read the latest Gloria Steinem book (or probably not latest since she'll be like 112 by then). I know, a little dramatic.

We chilled out, went back in the wave pool, I DID get my book out (not written by G.S.), and then everyone wanted to go on this slide that only opened at 16h30. There was no way I was going on that slide. Except...everyone was going. So I went. My heart was racing.
We get up there and wait in line behind girls with inappropriate swimwear and boys with half-offensive or weird tattoos (um...judgemental much??) and then, when it's your turn, they lock you into this little chamber and you're standing in this little pod/chamber and you hear, "THREE, TWO, ONE, LAUNCH!!" and THE FLOOR BENEATH YOU FALLS OUT AND YOU FREE FALL DROP. Yes you could hear my screams outside the park. But really after the drop, it's not that bad at all, a few mouth fulls of water and a massive wedgie and it's all over, and it only took  forty minutes or so for my heart rate to return back to normal.

But seriously. Water parks:
  • full of teenagers making out
  • occasional floating band-aids
  • athlete's foot party
  • other people's pee
  • slides twelve stories high, operated by 17 year olds
Sounds like a party, hey??

Anyway, the girls had fun and that's all that mattered. I had a headache all day that wasn't too bad, but even I had fun.

Now, it's officially my Christmas morning (not Jesus-Christmas, but family-Christmas)!! Only a couple more hours until I can wake everyone up and get this party started!!!

1 comment:

  1. I say again: You so need to write a book. Even an e-book.