650 minutes

As of right now, I have roughly been awake for 650 minutes. Which is just under 11 hours.

I am a bi-polar mess of emotions. I go from a near panic attack to blissful about the future. Back to panic attack. My heart rate is currently at 76 which is quite high for me, but I worked out this afternoon, so I hope that's a factor.

If I had to divide my time this afternoon, it's as follows:

In case you'd like that in pie-chart form, here you go:

The fighting with Louis was short....and mainly had to do with my extreme panic over my lower than expected savings.

A year ago, I had a spreadsheet that could tell you TO THE PENNY how much money I would have in my bank account. I was so proud of that spreadsheet. I don't know why I stopped using it, but I've lost track of the value of money (which is an extremely common Expat trait. We don't get to spend money on like....normal life, so when we're out in the real world, we go crazy. I'm better than I used to. But obviously still super crappy). I was so mad at myself!!! I AM so mad at myself!!!

But, I vow to try to be future focused. I screwed up. I need to move on.

I still have more than enough to live on for....a few years if I couldn't find a job (a few years....I hope to be out of a job for a few months). Like money should be the last thing on my mind. {Although has anyone tried Mint.Com? OMG! It's amazing! I signed up today, it guides you to set up a budget, and then you get email alerts if you go over that budget! It's linked to your bank accounts. *Always make sure this website/App is used on a secure network*}

And the multi-tasking? Yeah, normally I'm good at multi-tasking, but I have too much on my plate to multi-task. It's only effective when you multi-task a few things. Not fifty.

With all my organising tools and spreadsheets and being on top of what needs to be done when, I've lost all control. I'm a mess. Well, I'm a mess sometimes and then I'm totally fine other times.

I think I need to revert back to my pre-Madagascar-move days. I described the emotions as being elated and shared shitless at the same time. It's the SAME THING again.

I need to chill the f*ck out. I have savings (although less than before), I have contacts, I have skills, I'm taking a great vacation THAT I CAN AFFORD as long as I don't buy diamonds and gold....

In the very wise words of my favorite Quebecer, I need to trust the future. And get some f*cking work done!

1 comment:

  1. Amen nSister, your sounding pretty girly and absolutely NORMAL. Listen to Louis and try to stop worrying. To heck with the charts and graphs. Just take a break from worring so much. Did you ever check out the color of my hair? It doesn't pay to worry and stress especially when there is really nothing to worry about.Really.Love G&Gxo

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