Eight Weeks and Three Days

Last night Louis and I were talking (we do that from time to time).

Both of us had come to the same conclusion. When our contracts were up (mine, expected to be December 2013; his, March 2014) that we would be ready to move on. Of course a million things could have happened between now and then to change our minds, and we both still love our jobs, but it felt like it was time to think about the next adventure.

This morning, I had a meeting with my (very kind) boss, who told me as a result of budget cuts, my contract end date would be April 15th, 2013 rather than December 31, 2013. Instead of leaving in 8 months, I'd be leaving in 8 weeks (and 3 days).

The whole contract/no contract thing at this point is sounding a little too familiar at this point, hey?

But this time, it's different. This time, it's not because they think I'm the wrong fit for the job (and change their mind 4 weeks later); or because it's time to transition the job to a national (and for me to transition into a new role). It has zero to do with me (I asked. I believe the answer that I got).

It took me by surprise and obviously I was upset.

I cried a few tears...while trying to continue on with my meeting. Geez, that was awkward but it seemed to work!!! I remember saying, Danmit!!! Why do I have to be such a girl!?!, in a joking voice. I made my boss feel bad...but I didn't mean to. I  completely understand, he has a company to run.

I'll have him as a reference and I have a lot of contacts, and there may be a slight chance that I could work for our company back in Canada.

A co-worker/AWESOME guy and I were talking today about something totally un-related, and he just said OPEN YOUR MIND. He's right. There's no "right" answer here on what I should do next. There's only what I feel is right.

I'm a little all over the map about this. I'm excited for whatever lays ahead, yet nervous about the future. This isn't a situation where I'll be networking to stay on the project in a different area. That isn't an option. It's not like before.

For the next eight weeks, I have to focus on what needs to be finished and transitioned over for me to feel good about leaving my job.

Of course, I'll need to look for another job, but I also need to be patient. Sure, I'm worried about being a jobless hobo, I also know that I'm very well experienced in my field and I have to trust that if I work hard enough to find a job, I'll find out what suits me well.

And yep, Louis and I will be an international couple in more ways than we are now. While our conversation from yesterday remains true, he's not going to quit his job before it's done, and I fully support that. Having distance between us will be very, very hard. But ya know what? We started our relationship in hard circumstances, we've been through a lot in our very short 1 year and 4 day marriage, and we continue to live in hard (marriage-wise) circumstances.

Sometimes when I feel like things are rough, or when I wonder how we'll ever make it living this weird lifestyle, I play with my wedding ring on my finger and remember just how committed we are.
Funny that something like that is my reminder.

As long as we both support each other, and we both are committed to the same goals, we'll be fine.I don't want this to be a "bump-along-the-road" situation. I want this to be a "next-adventure" situation.

I got...permission to work from home today because my tear ducts would not coordinate with my brain. Even when I had a few tears in my boss' office (still mortified!!) I wasn't like bawling or anything, it's just kind of a constant stop and start of tears.


'Cause I'm bad with goodbyes.

And even though this job and place isn't anything like it used to be...

It was still my first experience at a the expatriate life.
I changed and grew and learned more than I could have ever imagined.
I fell in love here.
I got married here.

And even if it's my time for to say goodbye to Madagascar, it's still tough.

As one of my friends likes to say, I'm still a puppy! With an open mind and a great support network of friends, family, and husband to help me adjust to this new adventure, I'll be okay. We'll be okay. However it all turns out.
 

2 comments:

  1. Sweetie goodbyes, so longs..... are never easy but know that you have made a difference and not everyone in their lives can say that.
    Shed your tears, comfort yourself,comfort each other and YOU WILL figure things out and they WILL work out.
    your journey will continue......
    love u, mom

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  2. Oh my, What a ride you have had. Your experiences have forever changed the life of so many people because you took us along on your expat ride. For that we will be forever greatful to you and thankyou. As you look thru your memories in the future I'm sure even you won't really believe all that you have done on this journey.
    Soooo, my darling,as you close the door on this wonderful experience God is already opening the next door for you. Step into the next phase with all the gusto you have given this one and know that the world is waiting for your next step with baited breath.
    Good luck and God Bless.
    So longs are tough to handle but thankgoodness you have the opportunity to take the wonderful friends and experience's you've gleaned in Madagascar to your next adventure. You also have the wonderful security of a husband and kids that will never change and always remember your job supports the lifestyle you chose to live with your loved ones. There is a job waiting for you when you get where your going. Keep smiling and keep on keeping on. We love you.G&G xxoo

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