List Of The Day

I'm a freaking rollercoaster of emotions. I'm up and down....several times an day hour. And during my ups and downs, I'm distracted.

First, I check out the latest employment recruiting websites....scanning to see if there's my perfect job. I won't be able to begin work until sometime mid-June.

It's not even March.

The news about my contract end date was made one week and two days ago.

I do not need to find a job TODAY, or TOMORROW, or NEXT MONTH.

I can't seem to get that through my head.

I've been an unproductive mess at work since.

To "cheer" me up, I start making arrangements for my BIG TRIP, leaving Madagascar arriving in Canada nearly 7 weeks later. SEVEN WEEKS OF HOLIDAYS? I've never done that before. I'm stressed about that? This is a huge incredible blessing. (Check out "47 Day Vacation" page for more info).

I'm meeting up with people I know and don't know along the way, so I won't have time to be lonely. I'll have time to miss my husband...but I can't focus on that. Or the future. I NEED to focus on my job here, so that I'll feel happy about my work when I leave. Right now I just feel like a loser because I'm not getting anything done. I leave work feeling more confused and frustrated that I'll never find a job.

I pretty much had a panic attack last night and had to be talked down from...panicking. I needed a plan of action to get through the day, so that I'd leave work feeling good and that I've been productive. Here goes:

NB-in-MG's Sanity Checklist for Tuesday, February 26th
  • Be at work by 06h30
  • Eat breakfast
  • Do not look at ANY job websites, links, emails, or anything related to jobs
  • Do not look at ANY travel/trip related
  • Go for a run at 11h45
  • Go for lunch
  • Print out X file task list
  • Complete X file task list
  • Finish Y if I have extra time
  • Do NOT deal with any "end of contract" errands (insurance, pay, car rental in Canada, etc)
  • FOCUS ON TODAY. Not the future. Not the past. JUST TODAY.
  • Refer to this list over and over again, as many times as I need to.

I probably sound like a nut-case, but I need this list to keep me focused because I'm freaking out too much. I KNOW that this situation, this "Next Adventure" is a good one. I just can't seem to remember it 98% of the time, and I think the more days I have like this, the better I'll feel.

Crazy Out.

1 comment:

  1. Nicole, Remember what our family has just been thru and please,please be kind to youself and just focus on ONE DAY AT A TIME. It's very important for you during changing times. We love you and will gladly accept your worry load if you can just assign it to us. Chin up you little engine that could, you. Love G&G xxoo