It's not even March.
The news about my contract end date was made one week and two days ago.
I do not need to find a job TODAY, or TOMORROW, or NEXT MONTH.
I can't seem to get that through my head.
I've been an unproductive mess at work since.
47 Day Vacation" page for more info).
I'm meeting up with people I know and don't know along the way, so I won't have time to be lonely. I'll have time to miss my husband...but I can't focus on that. Or the future. I NEED to focus on my job here, so that I'll feel happy about my work when I leave. Right now I just feel like a loser because I'm not getting anything done. I leave work feeling more confused and frustrated that I'll never find a job.
I pretty much had a panic attack last night and had to be talked down from...panicking. I needed a plan of action to get through the day, so that I'd leave work feeling good and that I've been productive. Here goes:
NB-in-MG's Sanity Checklist for Tuesday, February 26th
- Be at work by 06h30
- Eat breakfast
- Do not look at ANY job websites, links, emails, or anything related to jobs
- Do not look at ANY travel/trip related
- Go for a run at 11h45
- Go for lunch
- Print out X file task list
- Complete X file task list
- Finish Y if I have extra time
- Do NOT deal with any "end of contract" errands (insurance, pay, car rental in Canada, etc)
- FOCUS ON TODAY. Not the future. Not the past. JUST TODAY.
- Refer to this list over and over again, as many times as I need to.
I probably sound like a nut-case, but I need this list to keep me focused because I'm freaking out too much. I KNOW that this situation, this "Next Adventure" is a good one. I just can't seem to remember it 98% of the time, and I think the more days I have like this, the better I'll feel.