I've been pretty quiet on the blog front these days.

Partially because I'm a jet lag spazz (although I think that's finally passed), partially because my mom is here on holiday, and partially because I have no words that can begin to describe what I'm thinking or experiencing.

First, let's just make it clear from the beginning that Louis' girls are probably the best teenagers that I've met. They are thoughtful, caring, funny, super smart, and they love their dad sooooo much.

Enter me. I love that they are in my life and I can't imagine it any differently. The girls make up a part of who Louis is, and I knew (and loved) that going into this relationship.

But in my little drunken, high, rose-coloured glasses world, I thought we were like this perfect little blended family. Now that I'm thinking about the next few months and how I'll be returning "home" for x months, I realize that a big part of what I'm used to in Quebec, won't be there. (The girls, duh).

My perfect little blended family exists when we're all there. When Louis' not there, it's kinda a weird like...well, I don't know what it is, but it's not a family, in the normal sense of the word.

And as COMPLETELY WONDERFUL as they both are, if you were a 15 and 17 year old...would you like wanna hang out with your dad's wife that you just met in 2010? Even if they met me ten years ago...they are teenagers. And while we hang out when they're staying with us, I don't exactly think they'd want to hang out with any adult.

But until this week, I thought they'd find it like "so cool" to occasionally come over and hang out with me or whatever. Hello insanely unrealistic expectation!

And while I'm sure our bond will strengthen over time, I'm kinda just feeling sorry for myself right now. I thought because I cook, and clean, and drive, and try to joke around, that I'd have this magical "cool" status where they would on occasion want to hang out with me. I know, I know, I thought a teenager would find it cool to hang out with a thirty-somethinger. On purpose.

I've been struggling to be able to understand what it is that's been bothering me. Of course there will be conversations had as to what will happen when I'm back, but I'm kinda bummed that it totally skipped my mind that my instant-family-in-a-can (FIAC) isn't so.

I thought I could create a FIAC because I wanted it. And that's like totally what happens in movies, right?

Now that I'm less emotional about it, I can see the tremendous progress that has been made. I'm taking about girls who had to totally clear their work/school calendar (which required taking a test on a Saturday!) because my side of the family was having a post-Christmas get together and it was really important to me and my family that they were there. There's a hundred things that we do now that we never would have done before.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I should be grateful for that. And grateful that they are such great teenagers.

Maybe tomorrow.

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