Why I like this place and why it's good timing for me

First, here's the view from my NEW ROOM.


It's pretty bleak, but I feel SO MUCH safter (I'm less isolated and have three locking doors as opposed to one), and I'm out of the House of Horrors. I have English TV (although it was raining/cloudy last night so the satelitte was down), but Louis sent me my laptop, so I could watch an episode of a TV show I downloaded before I passed out. No internet in my room, but it works in the common areas if I'm truly desperate.

Anyway - at the mine, it's completely unfamiliar to me. I don't really know anyone, I don't know anything about anything, and then there's the new sleeping arrangements.

But here's the thing. While I was shy the part of the first day and asked my first interviewee if he would go for lunch with me...my shyness ended there. Or at least, I faced it.

Monday, after work, I went home and relaxed (um...played Bejeweled on my iPhone), then I went for supper when I wanted to. I brought my magazine with me, read while I ate, and then went back to my room, called two different Help numbers to try to figure out my television, and then went to bed.

The next morning, I went for breakfast solo but sat with people that I sort of recognized and made small talk, at lunch went to the gym, then did the same thing for lunch (actually it ended up being a working lunch because I happened to sit beside a guy who knew stuff I needed to know), and then went working like normal. I'm running around asking questions and gathering my audit crap, but I'm also hearing myself saying, "I don't know", and "Can you help me figure this out", and not feeling stupid because I am asking those questions. It's crazy...I'm a fully functioning individual working in an unfamiliar environment.

Why the hell would this be weird? Or worth mentioning? Well, I guess my major...um...issues with my repatriation is that I don't know what waits for me on the other side. A job in Toronto? A job in Montreal? A job in Africa or Indonesia? Without Louis (temporarily)? Although I can be stubborn as hell and frustrated when I don't get to make my own decisions, I use my complacency with where I am, and then the backup of my husband (or work friends sometimes), to help me feel confident. So how the hell would I be able to take on a new environment without my Malagasy surroundings and husband and work friends?

Ohhhh yeah. Because I'm a grown up. And that's what we do. And that's what I did in 2009. Although, in 2009, I quickly made a group of friends because there was a whole gang of us that landed there and didn't have a clue what was going on. So I won't have that this time. But...I'm entirely capable of going places I want to go, signing up for whatever I want (if I don't find a job right away, I'll be registering in a professional development class or something), find running routes that I like, go for coffee by myself, join the local Running Room cult so I can meet people with similar interests to me, drive to Quebec City to meet up with Louis' family for a weekend or something...all these things that I kind of didn't realize were possible until I came here and felt uncomfortable in a new environment. Okay, it's just for a week and I'm in the same country...but it just kinda slapped me into realizing that whatever happens I'll be ok. I'm not going back and re-reading my blog to see if I've already realized that I'll be okay and then forgot. I know I'll have plenty of moments filled with self-doubt.

But for this week...or at least yesterday and today, and probably tomorrow, I'm feeling more confident about the unknown, and how I'll act like I always have and just deal with whatever it is.

1 comment:

  1. YEAH! We knew you have it in yu. Love G&Gxoxo

    ReplyDelete