Yesterday sucks, today will be okay

Yesterday was not a good day for me.

Obviously jet lag is a major factor on my mood, but I couldn't stop focusing on everything that I was missing. Plus, I had been waiting for a phone call for a bit to find out if there were any options within the company. I'll elaborate on that more possibly, but to keep to the point, the answer is NO. This was always a possibility, so it's not a huge shock.

Anyway, one of the things I was focusing on was my life here. I feel like I want to cram in every single thing that I can before I go. Everything that I used to do and once loved (going out dancing, going to Mahumbo, etc). I wanted to make sure that I get it all in. I've changed my mind. Sure, I'll have a night out, and most likely some kind of going away get together, but I want to just spend the rest of my time here like I would any other day. I want to quit focusing that I won't see Louis for three months and that we won't be able to make it through this challenge together.

Yesterday, that's all I could think of. I have bouts (okay, more often than bouts) of lack of self confidence and sometimes that trickles over to my marriage. Which is basically tops the charts of one of the worst possible things for a marriage. I had on and off emotional spells, drilling Louis with all kinds of questions, working out different scenarios, creating a plan for every single possible unplanned situation. Yeah, I'm not the hugest fan of myself when I get like that.

While yesterday sucked, Louis told me the most amazing thing that didn't suck. Well, that was actually really cool. That we should remember the spirit and intentions that we had for each other when our relationship first began.

(Here's a picture of the day that we started to talk about having a relationship - these things need to be talked about way too much in my world - but I had recently vowed to NEVER date a co-worker or expatriate ever again....)
Such a simple concept that can get lost in the gazillion thoughts that we all have in one day.

And then I remembered a quote, which I'll paraphrase since I can't actually remember all of it, that went something like:

If you think that everything will be okay, and if you work at making everything will be okay - all will be okay in the end. And if it's not okay? It's not the end.

(It's from a movie that I half watched on the plane but I can't remember anything about the movie but that.)

So yeah, things will be different. My trip will be amazing. Missing Madagascar and my friends will suck. Living away from Louis will mega suck. But I can work at making it okay. Starting now.

1 comment:

  1. Good for you Nicole. God Bless you and He will see you thru. I promise. I might need you at home by the time your ready to come here. Keep praying for us.Love G&Gxxoo