Whambulance

Did I really need something so much to write about that subconsciously my body acted out? To make something for me to write about? 'Cause this just seemed like something out of a comedy sketch....gone wrong.
Last night I got to ride in the company Ambulance! Woo! (Side note: Has anyone watched Modern Family where the Lily says, "Aww. You hurt your finger. Do you need me to call the Wambulance? Whaaaahhh Waaahhhh Waaahhh!!!!" I'm loving that right now. Check it out here).
Sunday night Louis had practice (for my going away party ) so I was on my own. The Tiki bar has popcorn, I thought I’d take some home and watch TV. It’s super unhealthy and I ate a lot, so the next morning when I didn’t feel good, I didn’t complain too loudly.
Monday morning continued, I went for lunch, noticed I really wasn’t hungry and my stomach hurt, so I tried to eat as much as I could and leave it at that. By 3pm, I was laying in bed in pain. By 4pm, I was in more pain. By 5pm, I was calling Louis for help to take me to the clinic on-site. He didn’t have a truck, which meant that I’d have to use the vehicle service, which could mean a wait time of...who knows. I waited a bit longer (bad idea) and then finally got desperate enough and called Louis to call the ambulance. A few minutes later, I see flashing lights, and I walk out and get into the blinding-light-saber vehicle. I’m not sure what the deal is, but when I’m scared or in pain, my body shakes. It happened at the dentist just last month when I was getting a filling replaced. It’s embarrassing, and I try to like, stretch my legs, or distract myself, but, I can’t always get it to stop. By the time we had arrive at the clinic, I was shaking. First, I was cold. Second, I was scared. Having that much pain in Canada, I’m not sure I would be so scared. That much pain here…and yeah, it’s not comforting.

When the opened the ambulance doors, I saw that Louis had made it and he was waiting for me to be loaded off the ambulance. Now, remember, I didn’t need an ambulance, I just couldn’t find a ride to the clinic. I wasn’t dying here, just panicking and in a lot of pain. In fact, I kept telling the medical staff that. And telling them that it just feels like indigestion, except at a pain level that I couldn’t quite understand.
The Ambulance Doctor (I have no idea what they are called) was SUPER nice and I think she is the one that kept me like, in a non-crazy state, which went out the window when the national nurse, or Ambulance Attendant, or whatever he was called tried to get me out of the ambulance using the stretcher. He had some serious difficulties. Like, he was going to drop me. He looked at Louis, like, HELP ME MAN IM GONNA DROP YOUR WIFE, kinda way... but the way that he was set up, there wasn’t a lot that Louis could do. Another guy came over and they took me out, I can’t quite remember how it happened successfully, all I know is that I WAS SCARED and convinced that I was seconds from being on the pavement.

Next up. Doctor examines me, and he thinks it’s gastritis. I’ve seen this a million times on that old school show ER, where the patient comes in on a stretcher and he’s freaking out screaming, "Oh my god, a heart attack!! I’m dying!!!!". And then Dr Ross comes back a few hours later and tells him it’s indigestion. I’ve always thought, Oh my goodness, HOW EMBARRASING. What a wuss. Now, I empathize.


That was me.

Before I could leave, I needed to get an IV and medicine. THAT was a process. The doctor assumed the nurse knew what he was doing, and there was a lot of miscommunications, the nurse left the room twice, the doctor once, the entire time I’m clenching my fist and not looking in the direction of the needle because that’s how I deal with needles, and now I start to shake. I’m stretching my legs again and again, trying to stop the shaking, while casting looks at Louis that plead, Watch this guy and make sure he doesn’t kill me or that he doesn’t forget to take the bubbles out of the needle so I don’t get an air bubble thing that I’ve seen on horror movies!!!! After what could have been fifteen minutes (probably more like 7), the  IV is successfully in and the medicine is going (and for some weird reason I got temporary hives after just on that arm?).


Doctor says: Are you shaking because of the pain?
Me: No.
Him: Why are you crying?
Me: Because you’re scaring the crap out of me and I don’t think you know what you’re doing!
AKWWARD.
Louis kind of jumps in and says the nurse is in training, then I yell (or not yell, but speak loudly) that then the nurse doesn’t know what he’s doing!!! He sheepishly leaves the room and all of a sudden I have a new nurse. Ok, but seriously. I’m in pain. I’ve just about been dropped on the ground off of my stretcher. And I spent 15 (or 7)  minutes getting an IV when I have needle issues.

The new nurse came in and asked when was the last time I got my medicine. I told him to look on the observation board for when my blood pressure SOARED
I calm down quickly, the doctor says he wants to keep me overnight for observation (I tell him no), then he says he can give me medicine and I can go home, but I have to come back if a, b, or c happens. We wait about an hour, I start to feel better, enough that I’m not freaking out, and I go home.

I tried to eat some bread. I’m drinking lots of water and taking medication for the next two weeks. Today, it's painful but not like yesterday. I'm trying to shove food in my piehole, but not having much luck. Crackers every few hours and a few bites of chicken. I gotta get better because it's my last week and work and I have a killer party to attend.

Anyway, everyone is telling me it’s stress. I’m still blaming the popcorn.   

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