I remember wayyyy back when I first started in Madagascar...I think I consistently had like awful....Tuesdays, was it? I can't remember, but I know it was always the same day in the week.
There's nothing special why Sunday was different. Louis had to work, which meant we couldn't talk as much...but the time we spend talking to one another has always varied. We don't have the same schedules day in and day out...so that's normal. But I got into a major crying spell, which then leads me to fall incredibly insecure about everything, which isn't a fun place to be. I ended up staying up late so that I could call Louis first thing in the morning...which I'm sure isn't a fun thing to do in the morning...I guess I just wanted to know that we are okay.
We're always ok, but the distance REALLY gets to me some days. If I was travelling, or in Edmonton, or here...it's all the same. Last Sunday I had a (far worse) crying afternoon/evening, and ended up making the (irrational) decision to call Louis at 430 in the morning..
Then Mondays almost seem like a part hangover from Sundays. I don't want this to sound like all I do is sit around and cry, because that's far from the truth. But today I was lazy, I was negative, and that made everything seem a lot worse. Perspective is a simple thing that can make a crazy difference in how you enjoy your day...or life.
I'm trying to learn how to be lazy...but what's lazy? And how do you get in the mood to relax? Today it wasn't happening, even though I had no desire to run errands or cross off anything off my to-do list. (I'm certainly not for things to do, which is nice).
Sunday I went to Ikea, to get some closet organizers and small things, but the drive there and back, plus the complete chaos of going there on a Sunday, was a little much. It kind of made me have no desire to drive at all today...but for some reason, around 3pm, I decided to go and get this:
After spending most of the morning/afternoon feeling sorry for myself, I went on-line to see the spinning schedule at the gym that I've been before. They had a 7pm class, which was enough time for me to continue to feel sorry for myself for a couple of hours and then go. So that was the plan.
Except I cancelled. But then changed my mind. And then cancelled. And changed my mind. I had my gym stuff on and ready to go...and then I thought of how when I'm there, I may as well register for a few months (that was on my to-do list...), and then I would have to try to understand the local French, and spinning would be confusing because it's in French...and I haven't been in a long time, and so on, and so on.
I drove. I paid for a spin class pass and signed up for three months and it was no big deal. I forgot I was speaking French (why do I think I can't speak French?!? I spoke basically ONLY French for my two years I was in Madagascar?!), and the spin class was hard to understand, but I think it was mainly that I haven't been in a really long time.
There's just something about a lady with an impossibly perfect body (with some surgical help, I'm sure...so SO many women here either have perfect b00bs in their 40s, 50s, etc, or cosmetic surgery is very common here - no judgment - just something my rednecky self notices...), scream and yell at you to do practically impossible things with your body, and then to realize that, Hey! I came to the stupid class!! All that mental garbage and I still came to the stupid class, and there was not one single problem AND I leave with the runner's high.
I came home and took Maggie for a walk. Everything was fine until I took her off of her leash just as we were about to enter the building. She obviously wasn't done playing outside...and she made it known by NOT MOVING. She refused to come. REFUSED. I kept saying, there's no way I'm going to carry you, you little sh*t, but after ten minutes or so, I carried her inside and up the stairs, and then put her in her cage. Kinda of makes me think I made the wrong decision, because her cage is where she sleeps and eats...and I'm not sure if dogs understand the punishment thing in that instance. Guess I'll have to do some Googling tomorrow, because I was so aggravated.
So that's it. My exciting life.
The good news: I've joined the gym so on days where I'm too lazy to run, I can go to a class and have someone yell at me.
Plans for tomorrow: Go buy dog food, follow up on a few job leads, grocery shop for the rest of the week, and BE NICE TO MYSELF. I need to remember this isn't an every day situation and everyone deals with things differently.