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Showing posts from July, 2013
Well, even though Monday was a little odd, and I missed a lunch date, I feel much more like "myself" for whatever that means.

I'm back to running errands, organizing the house, and kind of feeling less blue.

Certainly helping is that I'm going for lunch with a new friend, and have another lunch on Friday (that's part networking, part catching up), and I just feel like I have some energy back.

"I'm hungry"

I should start off by saying that I'm lucky that I already have a good doctor that I trust. But he's special. I'm not sure where he's originally from, but he's nice and funny while being extremely abrupt.
He isn't accepting new patients, but works in a Walk-In Clinic, so I go there to see him. It's in Montreal, which meant a bit of nerve-wracking driving. Nerve wracking - because I'll be driving 110 to 115km on a 100km freeway, and I get tailgated. There are THREE lanes, and I drive in the middle one, because most of the time the far right late is always connecting to a merging lane and I want to give the merging drivers' some space and not be going back and forth to two different lanes. Anyway, some drivers are serious assholes. And there are too many of them. And that kinda stresses me out.

I had an appointment last week and I was told to come in Monday and tell the nurse that, "Dr. X told me to tell you that I'm here to see him at 11h30…

Rainy Day

No Cafe Depot today. Not much of anything today. The weather wasn't great (I was out at one point and I couldn't see it was raining so hard), but I was just kind of too down to do much. Some days I get tired of trying to be happy or positive.
So I guess I took a day off from that and just let myself be sad and lonely, all while in good company of one tired and smelly dog. (And Netflix).
I remember having crappy days like this when I first moved to Madagascar and didn't know anyone. I guess the feelings are normal...
So tomorrow I'm starting a new week with a busy day, a (hopefully quick) doctor's appointment, lunch with a new friend, and then yoga in the evening. 
I hope tomorrow is a better day. 

One Step Closer to a Coke Slurpee

I wonder about the people that read my blog (I see you on Google Reader, yet I never see you comment, I have never understood that).. Is it some kind of car-crash effect? You can't turn away from watching the mess unfold?

Today wasn't my best day, and there are some behind the scenes issues where I wasn't surprised that I felt so blue/crappy, but I tried, I guess.

I went to this river that I drove by that always looked nice. The dog came with me and she had a freaking party. So many things to smell and lots of room to run around (by run around, I mean I tell her to go one direction, then call her back and tell her to go the other direction, because she is always on a leash as she is listening-challenged and/or I am lacking in Ceasar Milan training). She even conquered her fear of drinking water from a container outside of her cage. I'm not kidding. She's scared of containers and she's scared to drink water from any bowl outside of her cage. Big steps.

Anyway,…

To the Beach

I'm thankful that I had the help of Louis' ex with my wallet/no electricity issues.

That I have the dog (and that they don't really want it back...they kind of like having a break from her - while I enjoy her...well, most of the time. I'm getting almost used to the panic-attack barking if there is a bird/bug/wind/lightning/fart/etc) to run around with (or really, I just stay in one place and tell her to run one direction, then tell her to run the other direction, and she repeats this for fifteen to twenty minutes until I get bored. This is hilarious and we both look pretty stupid. It would be awesome if she could listen and I could take her off leash). I'm thankful that I sort-of have Skype with Louis (the lack of connection is painful most times, but worth it in the end).

That I've driven around town, quite frequently without my GPS and now have succesfully driven in rush hour Montreal traffic (and survived!).

But this week has sucked. I'm sure it hasn…

Lonely vs Alone

I was thinking today...I think I like Quebec (less the fact that there are NO coke slurpees. This is just ridiculous). 
Although I should try to incorporate more fun/touristy ideas in my week, I've been running around doing all kinds of errands, sort of maybe learning the city, and potentially feeling like I could make it here (note: a post next week might be published how I hate it here...). (My priority is still to work overseas, but that's only for a few years).

There are so many things to do here, so many new places, so much fun to be had. Alberta will always be my first home, but I think I could get used to living in Quebec (especially if I could find a place that sells Coke slurpees).

Last night and yesterday I had no plans, didn't do any errands, and didn't go to yoga. One reason was because I wanted a blizzard, and I think that's the last thing that you can eat pre-yoga, but another reason is because I'm trying to occasionally stop with the errands and ac…

Perfect Timing

I'm very aware that my blog has taken quite a turn. It's a lot of huge ups and downs, almost little to no pictures, and a lot of self analysis (ok, that part has stayed the same), and sometimes I worry that I come off like I'm, I don't know, someone with a perfect life complaining over and over about a hangnail. I think sometimes I don't write because of that. But there's still something that brings me back, that makes me want to write...not sure what it is.

Yesterday I woke up feeling ok. Not fantastic, because of the night before, but certainly feeling less emotional and worried about the future.

I made a list of every nagging task on Sunday, and I wanted to start the week by crossing off a lot of those tasks off. I almost didn't get started. It could have been really easy to stay home and mope around. (Maggie would have liked that, I'm sure).

I also looked at a yoga studio and saw that there was an evening class, and I made a plan to go. I knew that…

And today,

I'll start over again. With a clearer mind, while trying to keep in mind that I'll take one day at a time.

Bullshit

Sometimes I think all my posts with all this positive crap, and all the great things I'm thankful for, & how lucky I am is all a complete load of bullshit.

It's just past midnight, I'm not tired, & I won't be sleeping in my bed because some nights I hate sleeping alone too much. And some nights I need the distraction of the tv to fall asleep. I just got off of the phone with Louis, it's the start if his work day, and I was bawling. I feel horrible because he can't do anything, and calling him to cry, when I know he's 15,000km away just makes me feel worse. I think I have to end that practice.

I know moving, leaving jobs is stressful, blah, blah, blah, and it won't always be this way, but tonight, none of that matters. All that seems to matter is that I haven't a clue what will happen and that I'm anxious about the future, which goes against everything I've tried to learn since its well outside of the scope of my control. For tonight,…

I'm ridiculously fortunate

After my last post yesterday, I went to Best Buy and Walmart to cross off a few things off my list. While I was walking through Walmart, I saw a shirt I could use for the gym for $8. I'm low on shirts (well, until Louis comes back with all of my suitcases, I'm low on everything....), so this was an awesome deal. I put down my Best Buy bag and my wallet, which I typically wear around my wrist. It has my credit card, bank card, Alberta license, spinning card (worth $150, I think), and a few dollars in case stores' debit/credit machines weren't working due to the power outage. Oh, and my house and car keys.

I held the shirt up to see if it would fit (yeah, not the best method ever and that's just ONE of the reasons I return almost everything I buy), and then I picked up my BB bag and wallet. Or so I thought. I got to the cash register...and no wallet. I had a flashback of putting the wallet down and not fully picking it up.

I raced back...it wasn't there.

I wande…

The Power's Out

The power went out around 4pm yesterday, and it's nearly noon this morning. After a search I found Hydro Quebec on Twitter and have been following along....still over 300,000 customers are without power, and it will be restored later today or TOMORROW. Not too long ago, this would be a smaller inconvenience, but now that I've come to enjoy all the luxuries of Canadian life, it's a big freaking deal. I can't keep track of the number of times that I've gone to do laundry or put something in the microwave!

Yesterday I read, watched a movie on my computer, and surfed the net on my phone...not thinking that I should be in conservation mode. As of 7pm, computer was dead. As of 9pm, phone had about 20% battery life left. I even have a second charger for it (which has come in handy so many times!), but that's dead too. Finally I decided to drive to this cafe Louis takes me to, in search of an power outlet.

On the way here, the traffic lights were all out until I was r…

Just me.

About a month ago, the thought of driving for more than fifteen minutes, or the thought of having to go shopping in a mall, made me extremely uneasy.

I spent the last two weeks in and out of extremely busy places (malls, Festival d'été in Quebec - this was intense with crowds), doing all kinds of non-Madagascar things, and yesterday I drove home from the airport in rushhour, today I went to Montreal's biggest mall (I think) and hung around for an hour and a half while I waited for my appointment at the Apple store. Then I drove back home in rushour again....all while remaining relatively calm, inspite of the insanity of Montreal drivers (even Louis agrees, they are intense).

So...proving the scientific fact, that things are changing all the time.

Also, I've changed the blog name to "Just NB". I don't know where I'm going, where I'll be, or what I'll be doing. It's just me. I like it.

Science Fact of the Day

So yesterday wasn't my favorite day in the whole world. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Louis, but I wanted it to be over as soon as possible.

Louis' flight didn't leave until the evening, but the last day is always errand day. I swear next time I'm going to make him finish all his errands and have that day as "Do Nothing Day", because having Leaving Day and Errand Day is almost like torture.

He was going to take a taxi to the airport, but I decided to be brave. Unless I find the job I'm looking for in the next couple of months, he's going to be leaving and I have to accept that. He drove there, I was off and on teary eyed, but overall it was painless.

Until I had to say goodbye. We couldn't find a cart, things just weren't working quickly and I ended up being in the "Goodbye Parking" for about ten minutes. I know what works best for me is being there for about 60-90 seconds. It's ripping off the bandaid so quic…

Back to the Jungle

Louis flies out of Canada at 19h50 today.

Boo.

I've had the odd five minute tear fest...but overall, I'll be okay I'm trying to be okay. I have lots of plans and preparations made for the next six weeks (assuming I don't find a job, but from now on that goes without mentionning).

The theme of the next six weeks will be finding social networks. I have a few connections already, I just have to make a bit more effort.

The past two weeks have been almost like a honeymoon. Previously when we were both in Canada, we both had a million errands to do, whereas now, there's just one of us with errands, some of which I can help with. Louis was more relaxed, I was more relaxed, and we got to enjoy each other's company and do fun things and not just errands.

Also spending five days in Quebec City, randomly seeing different family members, really helped me so much.

I'm going to an intense spin class tonight, which I hope will help. Oh...and I have Maggie with me tonigh…

Step. Step. Step. Step.

For now, I've decided to remove the "Work Outs" page from my blog. It was mainly for me anyway, but I'm no longer in a state of mind where I have to push myself that much to exercise. If anything, I try not to run too often because I know that even if I do a short run every day, my body won't thank me.

My July Wishlist included spinning twice a week and running once a week. That may not have been the best planning while Louis was here. I managed to get to a class, but since our days are all over the place, running seems to be my best "go to" to work out.

While I'm trying to continue to lose weight (which is a lot harder when Louis is here with me!!!), I don't run in any way, shape, or form to lose weight. I run because I feel that it brings me sanity.

Right now, I feel extremely out of control. There are too many changes all going on at once. While Louis has been home, I've felt so happy and releived, but I know that I'm up for more hard …

Relief

I've been so emotional today. I couldn't figure out why, since I'm having such a fun time. 
While in the shower, I figured out what giving me such an overwhelming feeling. Relief. 
I haven't written many posts lately, because they're all bullshit. I'm miserable. I'm lonely. I'm doing about ten billion things to stay positive, which by all means help a lot, but I don't feel like writing about it much lately. I live the loneliness, I live the struggles of adjusting to a city where I don't know anyone, I live with the guilt from being so sad while I haven't been affected by any of the major ongoing natural disasters. 
But today, I'm relieved. 
Even though I've only seen my in-laws a handful of times, I feel like a part of their family. I feel content and happy (most of the time :P). I'm surrounded by family interactions and people I know and I'm relieved because it shows me that the feelings of isolation and loneliness are temporary…

Awesome 24

Today was a very, very happy day for me. I miss the family atmosphere, be it Edmonton or Madagascar! It's one of the hardest parts of my adjustment to living in Quebec.

Today I was with Louis, Claudie, and various members of his family at various points during the day. I soooooooo needed this.

$$$$$

Ahhhh, the first day of all of us back together. No matter where we are in the world, when Louis & I see each other for the first day, regardless of the girls are there or not...I'm pretty wound up. 
I can go into all the analysis and reasons why, but there really not important. I know what's going on, and I'm working to improve it.
Anyway, I cried a tiny bit when Louis came back. I had already warned Claudie it might happen. Oh - one cool thing. We were at the airport way too early, so the two of us walked around and chat. We chat so long that we lost track of time & almost missed Louis. I felt pretty excited and lucky about that!!! 
Anyway, Louis came back, we went fur lunch (I was too nervous to eat) and then to a movie. No one was hungry for supper (except me) and it was pretty quiet in our household, so I went for an awesome run. It's amazing how comfortable I feel running in cute-ish running clothes than back at camp. Camp is 99% guys, so I wore capris, a lo…

Wish List for July

I was going to call this post, "July Goals", but I also kinda want to be flexible and remember that it's kind off an odd time in my life (adjusting to Quebec, Louis here for two weeks, etc), so it's my "Wish List", writing it down here, keeping it in the back if my mind, but not beating myself up if I don't achieve everything. So here goes:
1. Take two spin classes/week and run once a week. If I'm up for more, that's fine, but this is a good minimum.
2. Take a yoga class
3. Try a Zumba class
4. Consciously do something (at least) once a day that makes me happy. This might be as simple as walking around the block with a kick ass playlist.
5. Try out a massage at the gym. The prices are fantastic. 
6. Be nicer. To everyone. Smile and stuff. Make small talk when it's not weird. :P
7. Enough with the nighttime snacking. This is something I do when I'm jet lagged...but the jet-lag was over nearly a month ago...& I'm still paying for Weight W…