Bullshit

Sometimes I think all my posts with all this positive crap, and all the great things I'm thankful for, & how lucky I am is all a complete load of bullshit.

It's just past midnight, I'm not tired, & I won't be sleeping in my bed because some nights I hate sleeping alone too much. And some nights I need the distraction of the tv to fall asleep. I just got off of the phone with Louis, it's the start if his work day, and I was bawling. I feel horrible because he can't do anything, and calling him to cry, when I know he's 15,000km away just makes me feel worse. I think I have to end that practice.

I know moving, leaving jobs is stressful, blah, blah, blah, and it won't always be this way, but tonight, none of that matters. All that seems to matter is that I haven't a clue what will happen and that I'm anxious about the future, which goes against everything I've tried to learn since its well outside of the scope of my control. For tonight, all of that positive thinking and accepting change, blah, blah, blah, feels like a huge load of crap.

I know I should be grateful for about a gazillion things and people, but right now all that counts for me is that tomorrow is a new day

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