Ok, I'm rambling.
Last night - IKEA - exited... I was excited to see what kind of furniture is out there, what I'm going to make my eventual bedroom or kitchen look like and all the little pieces and bits that go into making a house a home (plus I wanted to buy some kind of storage options for where I'm living now).
I hated it.
Well, hate is maybe a strong word. I was actually having a good time with the people I was with, but I hated the concept of having to think about furnishing a new place, from scratch. This pretty much contradicts my last post, of wanting a new, fresh template.
I was overwhelmed with the choices of bed frames, nick-knacks, frames, organizers, towels...all of these things I'm going to have to go out and buy. Maybe not all at once, but I can barely decide what to order of a menu...never mind what couch I want to sit on for x years.
I've been pretty good at being able to take a step back and tell my brain to stop. To focus on the day at hand and forget about the rest, but thoughts of my future own home seem to stay with me everywhere I go. I can't seem to shake it.
There's absolutely nothing wrong (in fact, it's pretty great) where I am now. But I have an internal fight about wanting my own Independence (which in reality, isn't effected at all by staying here), wanting to set up shop on my own, wanting to do more things on my own... and it adds to my exhaustion. I'm hard on myself and frustrated for thinking this way, but I half to remember that it was six months that I was living in camp and less than two months ago that I was living in Quebec. Two gigantic moves, so it's bound to mess with my head.
Mondays always seem to suck, and yesterday was no exception. I'm still kind of suffering from my Monday hangover, so I think I'm going to go for a drive. To a place that always seems to center or calm me. More on that on a later post.