Since September 9th, I've been doing pretty good living off of a suitcase packed with clothing for my Moroccan vacation and a few small shopping trips to Old Navy when they've had a sale.
But I kinda miss what little stuff I do have in Montreal. Especially the warm clothing and my own hair dryer.
I'm not sure if I miss everything badly enough to ever head back to Montreal, but I'm going there on Saturday. The anxiety I feel today makes me want to cancel the trip. I don't need any of it...I can just borrow people's clothes and jackets and look like a hobo.
But I am going. Thankfully with Eden, my cousin's wife.
I actually quite like Quebec, especially the area I lived in, but I'm dreading going back. I'll only be there for four days - just enough time to pack up my stuff or put it in boxes for shipping later, to have a lunch or supper out, and hopefully to see the girls.
I don't feel strong enough to go.
I've tried to ignore the fact that I'm no longer the part- time step-mom and now a "friend of the family".
I don't want the reminder of visiting the place I once called home and I don't want to deal with the memories.
I want to go and get this over with. So that I can stop wearing the same three t- shirts and so that I can be done with another thing on my list.
I want to be brave and fun and show Eden a good time.
All while never setting foot in Quebec again.