Showing posts from January, 2014

The Real Blog Theme

It would be quite easy to write a Why I'm Crazy Today post

I go through every single emotion almost every single day. The good ones and the bad.

My morning/afternoon was filled with mostly good and the kind of tapered off. I get scared because (in an extreme abbreviated explanation) I basically have to believe and trust in the process of reconciliation, give it the time that it needs, and have faith in something...that has hurt me in the past. Hurt is a hard thing to forget. At least all the time, anyway. I have to be patient and let myself be all crazy and emotional and feel whatever I feel, when I'd almost like to be five months from now, with five months of mutual trust rebuilt and five months of foundation built...but I guess I'd miss a lot of the good parts, wouldn't I? And there are a lot of good parts to come.

A big part of my frustration lies with the fact that our reconciliation is an extremely happy HUGELY …

Why I'm going crazy today

This morning (or this afternoon) hasn't gone all that well for me.

I'm guessing this is normal...but I'm overwhelmed by all of the changes in my life. I knew that I'd be moving this spring or summer (my rental here is short term) but I never thought too much about it. Now I'm moving back to Quebec sometime in April...which seems like tomorrow...and I feel like I haven't done the best job I could living here. Now I feel like it's some kind of countdown...that I want to get in as many lunches and coffee dates as I can, because I know the next time that I'll be back it will be for a visit and it just won't feel the same.

(Before we go any further, Louis and the girls would totally move to Edmonton, but that damn dog Maggie just won't have it. And it has to be a group decision ;o) )

So today, all of the future plans are overwhelming me...I don't even have this place set up and I'm making plans to move again.

I know that this time the situa…

So What Next?

Every post that I've tried to write since my big announcement has come off incredibly defensive and like, Oh woah is me. I've hit "Delete All" too many times. So I'll try it again.

I feel like I am so lucky, so blessed, and that I am so fortunate to live the life that I live. But I've been feeling like that for some time - before this big decision was made. Going through tough times...well, for me anyway, made me realize just how much time and energy was wasted being unhappy.

And now? Since Louis and I are back together (in some kind of odd-but-feeling-totally-natural kind of way), I still feel like that blessed person...only more so. Because now we have another chance together. Ok, so we're in for a tough road, counselling, moving, adjustments, blah blah blah (Or Bob Loblaw for any Arrested Development fans), but...this decision wasn't hastily made. It was made because I made a commitment; because I truly believe that when I married Louis, I marrie…

Sit down for a minute.

Are you sitting down? Maybe you should be sitting down to read this post. I have some exciting news. Like, life changing news. This announcement…if I can call it that, comes after being separated for five months (and 9 days). Louis and I have decided to un-separate. To rebuild our marriage and give it the attention that it deserves and craved from the beginning. The past five months (and 9 days) have been incredibly complicated and I couldn’t begin to explain them. In short, I focused on rebuilding myself and my future without Louis. Today, I continue to focus on rebuilding myself, but now, my future includes Louis. And I am thankful for that. We both are very thankful for that. I want to write more about what my future looks like. I just can't quite find the words. This post seems rather to-the-point and doesn't convey the way I feel. The happiness....the joy...the...I don't know....the feeling that I'm barely letting myself feel, which is that everything will be ok. …

Rambling update

I haven't had a real chance to sort through all of the Cuba pictures, but the trip was good. The trip was intended to entirely be an "escape vacation". As in, escape from everything in my life that doesn't revolve around me being in the hot sun, sitting by or in the pool, or being on the beach. Trouble with that concept is...that my brain and heart still come along with me on vacation. And sometimes, my brain works overtime. I certainly had days where I had A LOT of fun and laughs (it's impossible not to when I'm with Stef), but, my brain and heart played a dominant role.

But if I had to be somewhere, with my brain and heart going into overdrive, um, well, Cayo Guillermo was a pretty freaking amazing place to be.

Bluuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeee water, white sand, cold drinks....I had so many memories of Madagascar while I was there. Part of that was due to the cafeteria style meals (ok, buffet) and the food was the same kinda crap we'd get in camp. I knew that…

Just for me

What I said yesterday was true.

A new day, a new yoga class. 

Since catching some kind of mega-cold, I've done no activity. Not even a yoga podcast. Combined with, I went crazy. Everything seemed so blue. Or grey.

Today, I woke up, went to yoga, shopped for house stuff (this is not something I enjoy), half-packed for Cuba (did I leave that out? By some miracle, I'm going there on Wednesday), met up with a friend (who is generally the person that I bring along to make any big purchases), bought a TV (something I had been dreading because I don't understand anything about them), had supper with friend & girlfriend, then went back to my house for him to set up my TV (no cable or internet, so it's not even turned on - I will be asking for help with that as well as a tutorial), then drove back to Juno's house (:P). 

Today was tiring, I almost was going to sleep at my house using a sleeping bag in my car, but forgot my phone charger so I came back. 

I attribute …
I like Canada. 
But I'm not sure I like anywhere at this exact moment. I'm frustrated. 
I used to live here and sometimes I just wish everything was the same as it was back then. 
I know, I know. Tomorrow's a new day. And a new yoga class ;)
(And always be careful what you wish for...)
I'm becoming impatient.

I have a house to move into. Just waiting on the furniture and a shipment of goods of all of my worldly possessions.

I probably will go crazy in about four days if I'm not allowed to go back to the gym soon. I need some jumping around and aerobic activity, if not at least a spin class.

Compassion for 2014

Last year, my resolution was to not use my teeth as tools (maybe there were a few others, but that's the only one I remember).

I've improved A LOT, but need to get to a  Zero Incident level :P.

This year, I want to continue to not use my teeth as tools, as well as:

Devise some kind of reminder system in my head that triggers me to ask the question, Is this thought kind? (To myself and/or others). My main focus in 2014 is Compassion. 

Drink more tea. No special reason.

Go somewhere social once a week (at least). I've kind of sucked at this...and I know I'm happiest when I'm with others. 

That's it, that's all. 

Happy 2014.