All Good Things

So things are starting to be even more official and the reality of having a job and entering the working world is really starting to set in. I spoke with my boss on the phone yesterday and it almost sounded as if we were both equally as excited. This is good news.

This week I'm finding myself fairly anxious. One of the reasons is that I went off the 21 Day Fix eating plan and started eating all kinds of sugar and processed food. I knew this would happen, I wanted to have some treats here and there, but the more that I ate, the more that I felt like, until Sunday when we all went out for breakfast to celebrate my new job, and I came home and slept for two hours and just felt like total crap. I decided that on Monday I'm back on the clean eating train because it just makes me feel like total crap. But now I have to detox a little, which generally means a little anxiety and a headache for a couple of days. Amazing what good food can do for your entire body and what processed (yummy) crap can do it.

Related to the crap food intake - while I was eating a sticky chocolate, my crown came loose and fell off. To the general public this would not be such a big deal...but to an anti-dentite such as myself, this is borderline catastrophic. I remember two years ago I had to have a filling replaced and my legs SHAKE the entire time I'm in the chair and I try to stretch or move them around to stop them from shaking, but I can't. When my crown fell off I nearly started crying...and I didn't sleep well last night because I had a dentist appointment today and I've been pretty much obsessive about it since it happened. I hate dentists. Mine is like, super nice and I don't think he's ever hurt me, but I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm terrified of going. But the fear is stupid so I've decided that I'm going to drive myself and go in by myself because I'm far braver when there is no one I know that's around me.
EDIT: I got a phone call from Louis on his way home from the garage with a kind offer to drive me to the dentist. I was so freaked out by that time that I totally jumped on his offer and was SO THANKFUL to have him there with me. The dentist ended up fixing something else that had broke as well, but I needed freezing (and that high-pitched drill that sends me into convulsions of panic) and I was happy to know I had my main man with me and a ride home. I basically shook the entire time and any time the dentist reached out start his work or touch me, I jumped. Yeah. Still haven't conquered that fear and I'm not sure if he'll give me an "I don't have dental insurance" discount next time. 

Next up on my anxiety list is clothing shopping. I basically - no, I totally need an entire wardrobe. I think to most women, they'd be like, YEAH! SHOPPING SPREE!! But for me, I'm like, I have no idea what to wear, where to buy it, how to put an outfit together, or what fits me. Being six feet tall is all fun and games until you need to find clothing. Plus I have broad shoulder and am always in between sizes and it's like I'm too big for normal-sized clothing but not big enough for plus-sized clothing. Urgh. So, try calm my anxiety and make my life a whole lot simpler, I have hired a stylist. No, I haven't won the lottery and it's a few bills...but I don't know what I'd do without her. We've talked a lot and emailed back and forth and I have even told her that I'm nervous to go shopping. She is suppppper nice and I'm sure she'll put together great outfits for me. I'm driving to Quebec City (that's where she's based) and I'll show up and she'll have all of the outfits picked out for me and I just have to decide what to buy. I've been told (not by her) that this actually saves money because you buy things that are long-term pieces and yada-yada-yada. Anyway...I'll be happy come Thursday night when all is said and done.

Another ..."anxiety maker" is Louis' job situation. He's having the same troubles as I did, but he can't be out of work forever, so we've expanded the area in which he's looking for work. Which may very well mean Africa. I have such mixed feelings about this...I really want him to find a job but I really don't want to be a long distance couple. Things are certainly different than the last time that we tried this and of course nothing lasts forever (the job - not us!), but I'd like him to stay close to home.

And lastly, I'm so struggling more than I'd like to admit to find a non-homesick feeling. I'm getting much better at speaking French and understanding everything, I'm starting to learn more about the culture and customs, but I miss Alberta...and well, I miss Madagascar even more sometimes. A friend posted her friend's blog  featuring Madagascar pictures and I got this overwhelming feeling of wanting to go back, to be driven to work every day passing through town, smelling the familiar (and gross) smells and seeing the familiar sights. It is such an incredibly weird feeling, because I live in nicer conditions here, I'm in a much more stable environment...but part of my heart was left in Madagascar...and there are just sometimes where I miss it so much. (But not enough that I would want one of us to work there ;) ).

I guess I go through these "downer"/anxious moods whenever there is lots of change, or whenever it's moon time (ha-ha), but I'll be in a much better mood after my tooth is fixed (should I survive) and after my shopping-spree is over.

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