Rando

I kind of feel like I'm getting into a groove here. Some days at work, I'm still totally confused, but I'm so ready and willing to admit it that I get the help that I ask for…it makes me feel like I'm starting to become part of the team.

 

I'm still missing the feeling of having friends nearby. Last Saturday I decided that I had to treat myself (and will continue to every Saturday that Louis is out of town) so I went to an outdoor spa. It was nice…but kind of just felt like I was sitting in everyone's dirty body germs…and it was almost exclusively couples…so not exactly something that keeps my mind off of being a solo lady. This Saturday I still have no idea what I'm going to do, but it has to be something special that ends my week of nicely. I found that if I spent most of my Sunday out doing errands….I didn't quite feel that "alone" feeling that I was fearing so much. Yes, I'll have to get used to it, but I'm not rushing it.

 

One thing that I'll never understand EVER is the language thing here. I work with English and I work with French. I speak French to English people and English to French people and no one ever says anything to correct me. But I just FEEL like I'm doing something wrong when I speak English, so I prefer to speak in French with people that I'm not totally comfortable with. At lunch, I can be in a conversation that goes from French to English three times over. I don't know why I put so much thought into it….but I just find it so odd. A province with two languages that get thrown around back and forth. I have to admit I'm going through a "I hate the French" phase where I refuse to watch or read anything French (unless it's for work).

 

I like seeing the progress that I'm having. Both in my personal life and professional one. I'm still not sure that this job is the one for me or that this is the right company for me, but I'm certainly going to take advantage of the life of my contract to find out. I'm even getting used to taking the train in the morning, and when things aren't too crazy, I can come into work later and sleep in until the luxurious hour of 06h20…as compared to my 0515 regular wake up call. Every morning I follow an online meditation, which is rather interesting. It's helped my anxiety in a way that I never thought was possible…but all this week, it's just put me to sleep. Like, mouth-open-possibly-talking sleep. Even worse, is that the train gets stopped (we have had 30 cm of snow in the last 48 hours) and so it's totally silent. I wake up..look around, knowing that I've probably said something that rivals the sleep-talk from the movie Step Brothers (if you don't know the reference, forget it, it's just some crazy sleep-talk. Such as, "I'll kill you Leonard Nemoy!!"). It's kind of embarrassing…but whatevs.

 

I've even started getting used to the homeless…and instead of letting it worry me, I just say a silent wish for them in my head, or thank them for holding the door open, and move on.

 

I am, however, still scared of ticket scalpers after I saw a full on throw down fight between two of them my first week of work.

 

Ok. This post has no format, theme, or point really… other than…things aren't perfect…things are still hard, but life is certainly improving.

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