I’m not exactly sure how I made it through today.
It was already set to be a very, very stressful day today, as I have an appointment with a lawyer. Lawyers scare the ever-living crap out of me, even though mine is very, very nice. They live in a world that I don’t understand….and all I’ve seen is intense battles in court…and I don’t ever want to be in a position like that. More on why I’m even involved with a lawyer in another post.
I woke up, I wanted to stay in bed. It’s cold. It’s rainy. All my fall clothes are put away and I have nothing to wear. And I have really nice meals prepped….and I could just grab my blanket, cuddle on the couch with Maggie…and never leave home. But, I have this thing called a job…and they kind of expect me to show up… plus it’s the normal thing to do.
I managed to get to the train (although very, very late) and as I stepped up the first stair to the platform, my right walk-to-work shoe broke. Fuck. Like seriously. I remember it being sort of weird-feeling last week…but to totally break? Come on. I walked to the side and tried to figure out what the hell. I had my hair styled in a side/ponytail/bun thing that looks quasi-chique (I get compliments on it…), so I ripped out the elastic I was using and wrapped it around the shoe a couple of times. It worked perfectly! Here I am, the real-life MacGyver.
I’m so proud of myself. I get on the train, and lately, I’ve been suffering from….I don’t train-a-phobia? I feel like the air is too stuffy, I’m too hot, and I get all clammy and panicky… I listened to my meditation, passed out, and thankfully managed to ok, as it’s over an hour train ride….which could have been painful if I was panicking the entire time. I’m going to seriously have to get over this as I’ll be taking the bus and the metro IN THE SUMMER, but again, another post.
I slept alllll the way to the last stop, got off, half asleep, and three steps later, my shoe broke again. No MacGyver. No elastic. No right shoe. I tried everything. Dragging it so that my foot wouldn’t have to touch the ground… and then I gave up. I took off my sandal, tried to not imagine the disgustingness underneath my foot. And started the 1.3km walk to work.
I should mention that today I had decided that I was going to buy myself an iced Americano. I just cut my budget for those types of things, so it was a special day. I should also mention that I pass by about…..two hundred taxis on my way to work, which I could have hailed at any time. But I thought, “If I went barefoot in Madagascar, I can go barefoot in Montreal”. I walked by Chez Paree…the famous strip club. Cigarette butts…gum….I tried to make my way around them. At least carrying my shoe I looked somewhat sane…but, I got a few, “Rough morning!" (In French of course), & I kind of wanted to punch them...but I made it to work.
I took a Lysol wipe
& scrubbed my foot repeatedly...changed my shoes & went & got my damn iced Americano.
I was a tyrant during a morning meeting....no patience at all. Ok, I was outright bitchy. But it was called for. Sometimes "Auditor Nicole" needs to come out.
I got through the day...not sure just how productive I was.....
At 3pm to get a call from my lawyer's office to say she was stuck in court & would have to reschedule. I kinda lost it. I was angry...Lawyers aren't cheap & there are plenty out there....so I hope I got the message across that I hope this won't be happening again. I can't handle it. I understand that there are times where one needs legal help...but it stresses me right the fuck out.
But, left work on time (well, sort of) and a wonderful friend gave me a escort to the train. It feels like the people at work have a pretty tight-nit group...& it's nice to make my way into it.
So tonight, it's another Les Mills Combat workout (this week is particularly stressful so I'm doing kickboxing workouts all week...I have a dentist tomorrow...my second favourite profession next to lawyer...), supper, walk the Mags, and off to bed.
I remember it wasn't too many months ago where any one of these obstacles would have me in mega-meltdown mode. It's been a long journey...to be back to myself again...and I'm still not there yet. But it's really amazing to see the seasons of change.
(As luck would have it, I imagine tomorrow's post will be how I had 900 breakdowns & how life sucks...but I'm still considering today a success).