I took down a post from last night...it was too sad, too confusing, too...not me.
Last night I called my aunt & she passed the phone to my grandma, who held the phone up to my grandpa's ear. I told him I loved him and said goodbye.
In part, I feel selfish for not being there, with my family. But everyone has more than assured me that we all deal with death differently, and it's totally fine not to want to spend the last few moments and have that as a memory.
I know my grandpa is surrounded by love.
I hope he is soon at peace.