Life as I knew it vs. Life as today

There are a million quotes that I love. Today’s quote:  Comparison is the thief of joy.

A friend came over this week to workout with me and I realized just how messy my place is. Whenever I’ve moved somewhere new, I’ve had my parents or Alberta family help me ( that are a team of professional movers – knowing all the tricks, getting everything done, cleaned, and put away. The day/weekend is exhausting, but it’s all done. The finishing touches come with time, but the big stuff is done.

July – I did the big move. Since then, I’ve had movers come and drop off SOME of my stuff that’s in storage….meanwhile I’ve been on a cleaning/organizing rampage, somehow trying to make my landlord’s things and my things fit into a Montreal-sized place – when my furniture itself is sized for a big, huge, Albertan-sized place. My house is NEVER totally clean. I don’t have my own things – some are mine, some are my landlord’s...and I’m always feeling like I live in a mess. Even when my place is cleaned (meaning vacuumed, windows washed, floors cleaned, bathroom sparkly), there’s still…an overflow of things…that doesn’t really fit with my ‘less is more’ way of furnishing.

Tonight I’m having a friend over for drinks and I immediately started an email this morning apologizing for the state of my house – as if having a drink together in my house would be dirtier than a dive bar in the worst part of town. My bed is made, things are tidy, but there are boxes and bags that are unpacked, piles of pillows and towels here and there…and my floor isn’t cleaned and some leaves that were blown in last night aren’t picked up from the floor. My friend was understanding, but I went ON and ON and ON, comparing my current place, that is so cute and makes me so happy – despite it’s disarray, to the condo that I used to share with my ex – that was never mine, that I never felt totally comfortable in, that stresses me out, and that never had any of my own touches. I could tell my friend was getting annoyed…and eventually asked me if I’d rather go to the condo for a drink tonight instead of my own house.

Boom. That felt like a slap across the face. Why am I comparing my current situation to something that no longer exists….and will never exist…and that didn’t make me happy? I eventually accepted the condo, but in my mind it was always temporary until “we” moved into our own place – not just “his” place. Yes, I’m frustrated that I have this…in transit place (my landlord let me know that he wants to move back in July), I’m frustrated that I am paying for stuff in storage that I had kept only because it was furniture for what was to be a house with my “ex” family….I’m just plain frustrated.

When I COULD be:
ACCEPT THAT I'M IN A PERIOD OF TRANSITION. Start selling what needs to be sold and get a storage unit closer to where I live so that I can take care of things
ACCEPT THAT I’M IN A PERIOD OF TRANSITION and enjoy my cluttered place
ACCEPT THAT I’M IN A PERIOD OF TRANSITION and enjoy the area that I live in
ACCEPT THAT I’M IN A PERIOD OF TRANSITION and rest when I want, feeling comfortable in my own little place
ACCEPT THAT I’M IN A PERIOD OF TRANSITION and know that I’ll move again, but that I’ll be asking help from my friends (and maybe even my family), and realize that it won’t kill me.

Living in a place that isn’t 100% organized, that isn’t always clean, that isn’t PERFECT has allowed me to have more time to myself, allowed me to enjoy the area, allowed me to begin to discover Montreal – it’s a beautiful city, and it’s allowed me to just relax… It’s just me that’s having a panic about the mess….anyone that I have over doesn’t care and probably sees half of the disorder that I do. Ok, so it’s not the most settling feeling to be in transition…but moving into my transition place has improved my quality of life five fold, ten-fold…so why do I keep comparing it to a situation that made me unhappy?

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