Every Saturday, without even knowing it, I spend a little time with my grandpa.
It usually happens that I end up driving on Saturdays. Driving....Montreal...not a good mix. So I play the music that I have on my phone (using Spotify...get it if you haven't already!!!).
I realized just today that the songs I listen to while driving are his songs. Songs I know that he liked, songs that I can picture him liking, and songs that just remind me of him.
Each week, I listen to the same songs. On repeat and repeat and repeat. Some weeks, I'm very sad. Some weeks I feel uplifted that the songs make me think of him, and some weeks, I just sing along mindlessly, happy for the distraction that the music is bringing me, saving me from the total & complete jerks most drivers are here.
I remember, not even 2 months ago, writing an email to a friend who lost his brother, candidly asking him if the pain ever went away. He told me it lessened with time but could also take his breath away at random times, leaving him feel empty.
With all the...bullshit taking over my thoughts lately....divorce, work, skunk removal....I've almost felt guilty for not thinking about my grandpa more.
But I catch myself rubbing the ring that he picked out that my grandparents gave to me when I was 16. Or remembering his whistle. And today was the best gift....that I didn't even know was happening. We share a moment through music, which is very fitting for him. A guitar player, a singer, often whistling whatever tune was in his mind.
There are still some songs that I don't yet dare listen to. And come Christmas time, I know that with the music there will be memories that are going to be painful.
But I still have my Saturdays. Driving, listening to our music together. Grateful I had someone that special to me that his memories live on even when I'm too distracted to notice.