The Grocery List

Last night I went to my old place for the last time. My soon-to-be ex-husband arrives today and I needed to get the rest of my stuff and my snow tires before he came back. We're not on fantastic terms.

I can drive there, it’s 38km, and be ok. But it’s very difficult for me to be actually inside the condo. The life that we tried to build together…the fights…the good times…it’s a mess of memories that I can’t keep straight.

Thankfully, a friend came with me. She’s kind of been my “divorce buddy” as she’s going through a similar process, so she understands.

I took the bus home, picked up the car, picked her up, and we drove there.

But I had to do something first.

I had to stop at the grocery store. I had to buy the following:

- Lucky Charms
- family sized package of cow’s milk
- Nutella
- 4 cheese pizza
- 6 pack of Corona
- box of fresh chocolatines (chocolate croissants)
- Oikos greek yogurt packs
- granola bars
- m&ms
- salmon pie
- sesame sticks
- family sized bottle of orange juice
- bananas
- sliced, fresh pineapple
- vegetarian chilli

I didn’t need a list. I could do the shopping blindfolded. My weekly grocery list doesn’t include any of the above items. But when I lived with the girls, that’s what I’d buy. I knew the brands they liked, the flavors they disliked, and exactly what to buy.

I needed to do it one last time.

It was just over $100. Not exactly in the budget of someone who doesn't have a job. We will be signing our separation agreement papers this week. It’s not an easy week on either of us, and although the shopping made me feel empty and sad, it made me feel nice to do it one last time. To think of the girls. To remember the place they have in my heart. Not just them. I needed to say goodbye.

I left the condo. Turned off the lights. Happy that the fridge and cupboards were stocked.

Last night and this morning I felt relief. I wouldn’t have to go back… I was done…I had said goodbye.

This afternoon….all I can think about is that I forgot to buy peanut butter. But it’s too late. The goodbye had been said. The ending is there. A confusing and....sad chapter in my life. Working on turning the page.

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