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Showing posts from December, 2015

Bring it on, 2016

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After we buried my grandfather, I came down with a WICKED flu. Like the kind that leaves your body feeling like it was ran over by a semi truck twelve times.

My stomach has been bothering me for awhile...but it got outta control in the middle of the night.

Forty eight hours later, I'm left with an achy body, a tentative stomach, but thankfully no retching into the porcelain bowl or crawling to the bathroom...

I had some pretty exciting plans...but I'll be heading to bed well before midnight.

2015 was a complete shit year.


I can't freaking wait for a fresh, new start.

Maggie

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Maggie has had quite the adventure in the wild, wild west. She won't be coming back with me...the flight here was wayyyyyyyyy too crazy for her. But she's been everybody's buddy (especially my grandma's cat...and Maggie has the bloody ear to prove it).

 Sleeping after staying up all night partying...
 Squished in my bag because she was freaking out when things got really noisy.
 Spoiled at Christmas with booties (that are a freaking lifesaver in winter), a new sweater, and a whack of toys.
 Playing in the snow....it's a little boring here.
 And most importantly getting into absolutely everything.


Happy to have her along with me during this...interesting time. <3


Personality types, tough times, and an interesting article

It's been interesting being in Edmonton staying with friends and family. In my early twenties, I was often known as the most outgoing person. But different experiences and life has calmed me down significantly. I still have moments of completely idiotic goofiness, but certainly at this time of year, they are far and few between. A few months ago I read an article about extroverted introverts. While I'm not about to label myself for life as one, right now, it's certainly the case. I thrive on having alone, quiet time, yet I still want to be the life of the party when I'm out...but I need a huge kick in the ass to get out the door. I know the divorce and death of a family member has a huge impact on this....plus some unsteady sleeping patterns since I've been back in Edmonton....but I loved reading this article and felt that there's probably a lot of people out there like me. Here ya go:
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19 Real Life Examples of An Extroverted …

Just made it through

I'm just happy that I made it through Christmas eve and Christmas day. I knew it would be difficult...but I had no idea just how difficult.This was my first year without my husband, without the girls, and without my grandfather. I caught a little bug so Christmas eve was spent at home, watching Christmas movies with my grandma, my dog, and her cat. I woke up the next morning without any real emotion...kind of nervous...but ok. I napped, I slowly got ready, I hung out with my grandma until the rest of my family came over. I certainly didn't feel great but I didn't feel horrible.Soon everyone was busy opening gifts. I was holding my precious new niece while my grandma opened the most magical of gifts. My cousin had arranged for all of my grandpa's favourite Hawaiian shirts to be made into a quilt. Every year my grandparents would visit Hawaii and he had a nice collection. He loved those shirts. I remember when we took a Hawaiian cruise together he would ask the wait staf…

Leaving on a jetplane

And it's off to spend Christmas with most of my family.As I type this Maggie is underneath the seat in front of me on the airplane...almost not freaking out...so far...okay...I was really hoping to have my separation papers signed before I left...but my lawyer is ignoring me (not the first time), pissing both me and my ex off BIGTIME. Yes it's just a signature and it probably wouldn't have been seen by a judge until after the new year anyway....but I wanted it dealt with. However....I have many other reasons to be thankful. I have an exciting new job to come back to and this will let me truly relax this vacation. I haven't been happy at work for a long time....and it's very exciting to look forward to this new challenge.I also have many people in my life that have helped me get through this extremely challenging year. I honestly never knew I could get through so much....and I'm happy to put the bad parts of this year behind me.See you soon Etown.

Odd Accomplishment

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For the first time since I've lived in Quebec, I went out on a Saturday night. It was just appetizers and a couple of drinks (read: all I need to be tipsy & hungover tomorrow)....but I did it.
I've tried multiple times since the divorce crap started and I've always caved....for whatever reason.
It was not the funnest night of my life, it was not the highlight of my year, but I straightened my dirty hair, slapped on some makeup, and put on my attempt at casual clothes (I know how to wear formal, business, or gym wear....nothing in between).

I ordered a side of brussel sprouts...because who do I have to answer to tomorrow??



I wore dark pink lipstick, because why not. And I caught myself laughing deep, real laughs. I did it.




Hope is not lost

Today I had plans to have Mr. S over after his work...but with all the activity this week...including divorce drama and my grandfather's birthday today, I wasn't feeling strong enough to have him in my space.  It's a confusing feeling...wanting to spend time with someone so transparent, kind, loving, and caring...while being terrified at the same time. I need time to heal still, I need time to be a stronger person on my own, because he's just the kind of person I could totally commit to and live happily ever after with...but right now I'm too....broken and we wouldn't have a chance.Mr. S was understanding and met me for a drink at "our" favourite bar. It's our favourite because we have mutual friends and we haven't "outed" ourselves to everyone...and I like the privacy. I stuck with ginger ale...not feeling like having my gin and soda....but we raised our glasses to celebrate my new job and our time together. He has been my cheerlead…

Almost over

I should be out for drinks....celebrating.
I spent most of the day in bed or on the couch.
I'm in the process of finally signing my separation agreement....and it's one of the most upsetting processes. Legal jargon, in French, going back and fourth, my lawyer trying to protect me, his lawyer trying to protect him, both of us offended and hurt at the wording used in a four page document agreeing to end our marriage....
I should be elated....I have an incredible job and opportunity....and I feel like a truck ran over me multiple times. I have a chocolate bar in my bag and I haven't eaten it. It's that serious.
My wedding day was truly, the best wedding I've ever been to. It was fun and exciting and I was nervous and elated and...it was a fairytale. My family wasn't there as we were in Madagascar, my ex planned most of it because it required a lot of connections and bribing of officials to get the documents we needed....we left the country the next day to avoid a le…

Unemployment

Mine is over as of January 18th when I start my permanent new job at a freaking amazing company, located in an amazing building, close to my old work, and I'm totally in shock.

Interestingly timed article!

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/12/16/18-things-to-remember-when-your-heart-is-breaking/#more-2132

In time

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Today I spent nearly twelve hours opening up my home and my heart to a dear friend...who sits more on the side of romantic than plutonic. Though I'm legally still married....though I thought I would meet a friend of a friend and go through the typical television inspired dating sequence...we started out as friends...then....we started to see a different side to one another.I'm very much not ready for a full on relationship...whatever that means. We are exclusive, but we have prearranged "dates". I don't spend my weekends with him (sometimes I don't see him at all), and if I do it's a group activity on a Saturday or for a few hours on a Sunday. We work (or worked, in my case) close to one another, so we often meet and walk each other to the furthest metro station...sometimes taking over an hour to walk a fifteen minute distance. We've shared our stories, we know each other very well, he's visited my home countless times...but today I stepped way, w…
https://youtu.be/P_NpxTWbovE
Miss you every day, grandpa.

Chocolate Cake

I heard back from one job interview (it's a no go)...for a job that I really wanted..I had a near-perfect interview and left with that same feeling one has after a great first date. Both parties are being honest, but reserved. Both parties are trying to sell the other on what a great catch they are...without boasting. I was pretty sure I wouldn't get the job as the report writing was 100% in French, and while on most days I speak more French than English, my business writing needs improvement (I'm currently registered at Mcgill to fix this). I knew this going into the interview...but like the Great One was quoted as saying, You never score on shots you don't take, or something of the like.I had another interview today with an equally impressive company. The interview was nearly two hours long. I was decked out in my special interview suit, interview hair, interview makeup...ready to go. It was great.I loved the location. I liked my potential boss and the company struct…

Christmas in the park, part III

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Not too much was going on tonight but I walk arpund with Mags and she goes exploring. She found her boyfriend, Mr. Sheep (seriously, it's non stop with her & the sheep).  I tried to be artistic & get a Christmas photo before she goes to the groomers and looks like a rat...but there's too much action & I have a little attention queen on my hands.
Years ago, Maggie was scared of every noises (a fart would make her jump) and now she's Miss Plateau, owning the neighbourhood, greeting dogs in the appropriate manner (instead of barking like a fool), making the rounds when there is a group of people, and patiently sitting and staying until I give her the ok to cross the street. Sometimes she sits facing backwards because she still doesn't understand why she has to sit & stay....but I'm not complaining.


(I'm sure one day I'll blog less about my dog...but for the moment, she's a huge sorce of positivity in a difficult time....so expect more Magg…

Christmas mini-miracle

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After a pretty long and lonely weekend, I was treated to a wonderful surprise. 
The park near my house has been a Christmas-land since December 1st. I walk past it every night ir so with the dog (she loves the sheep in the manger...weirdo). 
As I walked past it last night I heard Christmas songs sung by a gospel choir. Ok...so the songs were all in French & I pretty much don't know any of the words, but the choir was wonderful!!!
Maggie started to shiver, so I went and sat on a log next to the fire. We sat there all warm & toasty, listening to the music with my fellow-neighbours, friends of the choir, and the local homeless that I've started to recognize. An odd mix, but it worked. 
It was...my little Christmas miracle. It wasn't my easiest weekend...and it ended with a wonderful memory.


Weekend Activities

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I hate that every weekend ends up being alone. I still haven't made a group of dependable friendships...I feel like every weekend I get my feelings hurt asking my Montreal "best friend" to do something....when I know she has plans with her new boyfriend. It's nearly 7pm...I'm laying in the dark...in bed. I decided I was in too foul of a mood and put myself to bed. Instead...now....I'm going to force myself to put on my warm clothes and walk to the park for this Christmas activity... Yes I could invite my man friend...but I'm still trying to keep my distance while my heart mends. Maggie has to be walked...so...here goes nothing. Worst case...I turn around.

Edited: Maggie & I went. I teared up a bit. But it was nice, Mags was chill, & at least I tried. 

Peaceful

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My last Christmas wish was for peace and calm after a very hectic year. A year that was too much for me....for anyone really.


Tonight, I'm beginning to feel that peace and calm. At work I was barely able to keep me eyes open...wondering how I would get through the day.

I walked around and said my goodbyes...and was truly moved by the sincerity and emotions I received.

I walked out of the building...with so much energy that I was ready to dance.

I had a couple of hours before I met up with a friend for a drink...and I even had the energy to go shopping, which is one of my least favorite activities, while carrying two huge bags of shoes and other work supplies.

Even more shocking....I found a pair of jeans that are amazing in color and fit...
This is nearly a unicorn-sighting experience for me....jean shopping usually involves frustrated sales staff refolding dozens of pairs of jeans that aren't quite right based on imaginary variables in my head.

I stopped on a park bench, ate …