Today I had plans to have Mr. S over after his work...but with all the activity this week...including divorce drama and my grandfather's birthday today, I wasn't feeling strong enough to have him in my space.
It's a confusing feeling...wanting to spend time with someone so transparent, kind, loving, and caring...while being terrified at the same time. I need time to heal still, I need time to be a stronger person on my own, because he's just the kind of person I could totally commit to and live happily ever after with...but right now I'm too....broken and we wouldn't have a chance.
Mr. S was understanding and met me for a drink at "our" favourite bar. It's our favourite because we have mutual friends and we haven't "outed" ourselves to everyone...and I like the privacy. I stuck with ginger ale...not feeling like having my gin and soda....but we raised our glasses to celebrate my new job and our time together. He has been my cheerleader lately...but also my shoulder to cry on.
A few hours later, many hugs, kisses, and jokes later, we walked each other to our respective metro stations and said goodbye and goodnight. This, I can handle. I will see him in a couple of days, either at my house, to meet up for a walk, to make sure we say goodbye before I leave for Edmonton.
Dating...after divorce is pretty hard. I'm learning what I can and cannot handle...what needs to wait and what my needs are...thankfully I've met someone that is worth the risk, worth the challenge, hopefully worth the wait.