- First week of my new job.
- Being EXTREMELY sick.
- Signing my separation agreement.
The new job:
My new job is going to be really challenging but I love a challenge in that sense. Right now I have a lot of, Is this really me??? ,kind of moments as I enter one of the tallest buildings and take (the correct) elevator to the 30th or 32nd floor (I have made the mistake a few times on getting on the wrong elevator and feeling like a complete dolt..). I have my hair done, makeup on, and (attempted) cute/fashionable/downtown-looking outfit on (I think?) and I catch myself like...Wasn't it just like a few years ago where I was wearing flip flops, a breezy skirt, and a tank top to work? Walking (or in very beginning - trying to find a ride somehow...) to work on the dusty road, getting to work and washing my feet in the sink, checking in to the office as rest of the world was going to bed? Like...my old office used to be on an island off the east coast in Africa - I'd often accessorize with the local jewelry that was made from seeds or the horn of a zebu (the local breed of cow). I'd be dealing with strikes and protests and cyclones....and now....
Now it's taxis and Starbucks and high heels and makeup. And....I like it. And I thought I could NEVER like the downtown life. Ever. I thought I'd marry a farmer and live in the country. Now I'm Ms. Downtown (when I'm over being Ms. Pessimist....). And I like it. I like my little place (I would like to not move but I can't afford the rent... and will be moving July 1st). It's just so....surreal. My life has taken multiple 180* turns (and I'm not talking about the bad stuff)....and it's so hard to believe sometimes that I'm actually here, living this life.
Anyway, I started this post because I got through my first week of work. It's wildly exciting and if I was feeling a little bit better I think I wouldn't be able to sleep nights thinking about it. I know that it won't be perfect...but the company structure and set up is interesting...and let's get real here: the employee benefits, are freaking amazing. It's so great to see a company that values it's employees... and I'm now working for a company that's in it's growth spurt stage so it's all RAH RAH RAH!!!! A big change.
Back to my health:
I'm going to be a little under the weather for a few weeks and after last week, I had to really assess what I could and couldn't do. I decided to keep Maggie's dog walker three times per week (even though it's only in my budget to have her taken out twice a week...) so that she gets enough exercise and I've hired someone to help me clean my house. It's not a forever situation...it's certainly not a budgeted item, but I can't be wasting what little energy I have left on the weeknights taking care of the house. So twice a week for the next two weeks, I'll have some help. I also stopped at a trendier (of course...) version of an M&M Meats store and got some healthier prepared meals so that I could eat normally. This week I've either had ice cream or a green smoothie for supper because I have no energy to cook and my throat is killing me. So that takes care of that. I just have to have enough energy to get through my work days, hopefully get yoga or piyo in a few times a week for my mental sanity...and take it from there.
I'm actually pretty happy how I handled the situation. Had this been six months ago, I don't know if I could have gotten everything organized as quickly as I have.
The separation agreement:
Signing this document was a painful and long process. My ex is a good person but the legal process and the way that we both dealt with it differently....well, it didn't bring out the best in either of us. When I signed those documents on Thursday, it brought back a lot of bad memories.
Around Christmas time, I was sad because I had a head full of the good times....not last week. My brain seemed to fill with all of the bad moments, all of the stressful times, and it just wasn't a good feeling at all. I suspect this is part of the divorce process.....that it won't be the last time I'm upset about it, but the trifecta of new job, being sick, and upsetting memories was pretty difficult to get through.
But I'm here. I made it through and with a pretty positive attitude (most) of the time. There were some tears. There were many, many laughs.
So tonight I go to bed, knowing that this week won't be my easiest, but that I have many opportunities to enjoy myself, to be kind to myself (and others), and see what happens next. A lot of new things going on....change is hard even when it's the good kind, but my perception and a good attitude, and asking for help when I need it, will help me get through this.