Showing posts from April, 2016

April Update

I’m not sure what caused my random word dump of yesterday, but I’ve stopped writing in my blog because I felt it was getting too somber.

Here’s what’s been going on in the last couple of months:

Work has generally been good. It seems I’m on exciting projects about 80% of the time, which I think is a pretty good deal. Yes, as I wrote about yesterday, there is ONE problem at work and that’s a colleague that has a problem with me and refuses to just agree to disagree. I’ve talked to my boss about it and while she sees it, she’s not sure how to handle it. Some days I don’t even think about it, some days it keeps me up at night (depending on what happened). I’ve been handling it A LOT better than I was in the beginning days, where I was completely freaking out because:
a)He took me by surprise and was SUPER confrontational in a bizarre way
b)That’s what I do best. Freak out.

Otherwise, I’m going to the USA next month, which meant renewing my passport. My old passport had several run ins …

Much needed vent.

I need to ramble.

It's been a long time since I've just rambled, and maybe I need to do more of it on a regular basis, because I have neglected the blog when I need it the most.

The last few months have been total shit. Don't get me wrong. I laugh. A lot. I see the humor in every day life and I have a pretty good group of people surrounding me. But they aren't my close friends. They aren't my family. They aren't my expat family. They aren't my....ex-family. They aren't my Alberta friends (although I have one very, very special person that is there. A lot. But, my brain isn't sure how things work out with that. That's for another post).

I just don't get - and I'll never get - but it's also unlikely that I will never stop trying to get - why people can be so incredibly fucked up.

What I'd like in the world is for everyone to ask themselves this question multiple times per day:

Does it cause me more energy to be a total asshole-spazz…

Grief and stuff

Monday I took a taxi home from a café after meeting with my new landlord. It was very cold, I didn’t know the bus schedule in the area, and my cell phone was dead and I couldn’t use my GPS. The taxi drive was from Haiti. But he his mannerisms and character reminded me of my grandpa SO MUCH.

He was mostly retired, but decided to drive a taxi for some extra money. I’m pretty sure my grandpa would have driven ANYTHING for some extra money.
He was "the driver" and I remember calling him for directions past my mid-twenties.

I was on a pretty big high because I had just signed my lease. So I shared my excitement with this friendly, joking man.

And then I tried not to think about it.

And since then, I have been struggling. Extremely anxious at work. Worrying about work. Worrying about non-work. I kept thinking to myself…What is going on with my brain? I have a great job. I’m doing well. I have a new apartment. I have the best dog ever. I’m getting some peace in my life. But I was ang…

Signed and sealed

Last night, we celebrated as I signed my lease for my new apartment. Maggie is a little unsure of the staircases....but she'll learn how to climb them.

(And by celebrated, I mean: cook a spaghetti squash, brown some ground turkey, do my workout, and watch an episode of "Big Love", and then head to bed).

I met with one of my landlords (it's a husband and wife team) at a Starbucks that's on my way home from work and she is so so so so nice. It's obvious that they care for their assets and that they also want to cover their bases and ensure that they follow the rental/landlord laws, which I really like. (I've been asking my landlord to fix my toilet for over three weeks. He wants me to fix it myself...I'm not so interested in that...).

I was a bit concerned about my background/credit check. Just think how this sounds:

Well, I moved to Quebec after spending a handful of years working in Africa. But then I moved back to Alberta for a few months. Oh, last …

My space

When I got the text on Thursday morning letting me know that everything was a go for my new apartment, I was pretty happy.

My emotions were all over the place on Thursday.

I had my good friend over and after a few minutes, I just started crying and crying. (The official theme of this blog).

I know that no one has an easy life and everyone has a struggle - it's all what you make of life and it's all about perception. But I feel like I've had a very big struggle over the last two years and especially the last twelve months. And I kind of feel like....nothing has really been easy in my life lately.

If I really sat down, I know that I could think of many things that have come easy to me, but for now, I tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive. :(

But this apartment....I NEEDED this. I needed something that was mine. I needed something that is a fresh start from my Quebec....madness.

I first came to Quebec summer of 2013, I left in the fall to travel to Morocco …