April Update


I’m not sure what caused my random word dump of yesterday, but I’ve stopped writing in my blog because I felt it was getting too somber.

 

Here’s what’s been going on in the last couple of months:

 

Work
Work has generally been good. It seems I’m on exciting projects about 80% of the time, which I think is a pretty good deal. Yes, as I wrote about yesterday, there is ONE problem at work and that’s a colleague that has a problem with me and refuses to just agree to disagree. I’ve talked to my boss about it and while she sees it, she’s not sure how to handle it. Some days I don’t even think about it, some days it keeps me up at night (depending on what happened). I’ve been handling it A LOT better than I was in the beginning days, where I was completely freaking out because:

a)      He took me by surprise and was SUPER confrontational in a bizarre way

b)      That’s what I do best. Freak out.

 

Otherwise, I’m going to the USA next month, which meant renewing my passport. My old passport had several run ins with several water bottles in my purse so it had to be destroyed. I’m pretty sad about that. It has visa’s and stamps that….well, it just felt like it contained years of memories. But it’s a piece of paper. And like I’ve learned with my marriage certificate – a piece of paper means nothing.

 

Oh, did that sound bitter?

 

The Divorce

Basically – there is no news. Everything has been signed, sealed, delivered and I’m almost not yours (or his), but the documents are in a long line of divorces that can take up to six months to be finalized. Cool, hey? Turns out I’m not the only loser who’s getting divorced. The city is overflowing with us.

 

Emotionally – I range from complete mess missing my ex and the girls to Superwoman ready to take on the world in my new life and my new apartment. Moving on.

 

The new apartment
is super cool but I feel like it’s weighing my down financially. Fridge/washer/dryer/oven/oven hood….I thought about buying used but it seemed like a lot less work to go to The Brick, pay $149.99 + Tax and pay off new ones with guarantees and such over 36 months (interest-free). Everything is grey/stainless and the basic model or whatever was on sale. Still, it’s a nice $5k that I didn’t really like parting with. Such is life.

 


My mood
has been….an issue for me. Missing my ex, feeling guilt/sadness/EVERYTHING about the loss of my grandpa, working with that confusing person at the office, figuring out how to live solo again – like totally solo, well, it’s overwhelming. And while I certainly have the option to not live solo and to be with someone special – it’s not going to happen for me right now. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I tend to freak out from time to time….I have always wanted to have kids…but not just to have one….and I don’t know if that’s going to pan out. I’d like to just be happy with what I have….instead of wishing for something that might not come true. Life hands us what it hands us. I meditate. I workout. I try self-reflection/acceptance, [insert other shrink words here], and it’s a work in progress.

 


The mutt
Which brings me to my three kilograms of sheer joy – Maggie. When my ex first spoke about a divorce. I think my response was like, “Only if I get the dog”. This was pretty bold since the dog was a gift to his daughters years ago… but I had been the one taking care of it, paying for her dog walker….developping….well, developing kind of a special realtionshpi with her because I was alone so much. While I regret the pain this may have caused my ex/the girls in any way, I don’t regret taking her. On bad days, I tell myself, “Just go walk the dog”. 99.9999% of the time, I come back a lot happier, feeling a lot lighter, and usually having had a laugh at some sort, because what isn’t funny about a 3kg dog that is full of joy, love, and poop? I am totally in pet therapy. I know that I give Maggie a home where she has more attention, gets more stimulation, and as a result she is farrrrrrrrrrrrr more braver and less anxious than the dog of a couple of years ago. But…I don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering if the girls miss her.

 

 

Hoe down
So, nothing too exciting on the horizon except for my trip to Georgia. A town in the middle of nowhere, where the 5th best restaurant in town, according to Trip Advisor is Arby’s. Yeah. The town has a population of 16,000 and the average income is somewhere in the high $20k. Yowsa. I’m pretty pumped to go for the cultural shock.

 


Until then, I’ll continue to try and to my best. Be my best. Try to find some more joy in life….and try to quit being such a hard-ass on myself.

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