Sometimes I just feel like I might be really go for it. To really date. To really let my walls and nets down and just fall completely.

It's obvious for some time that I care about someone. Love them in fact.

And then we have a misunderstanding. Or, what most functional couples call: a fight.

And then I retreat. I'm hurt, wounded, defensive, waiting for the ground to collapse and swallow me. I cry, I have too many feelings, I have not enough feelings. I'm overwhelmed with the process of talking about what caused the fight....I'm drained thinking about it.

I might have found the most kind, most caring, most thoughtful person - but we'll never see eye-to-eye 100% of the time. And while he can communicate....and I can sometimes....I can't always.

I might have looked into the future with this one. Which seems odd since I'm:
a) legally married
b) not willing to give up my weekends (of which I spend mostly alone because I have yet to make true friends here)

I want the love. I want the stability. I want communication. I want....this guy....

But I don't know how to be open to his love, his attention, his communication....

I deserve to be happy. I deserve to find love - with someone as special as this guy. But I don't always believe that I can handle it again.

Falling in love is a scary thing. Staying in love takes time and patience. But believing that one is worth of the time and patience...can be the hardest thing of all.

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