The Good Memories.
I mentioned the song to my grandma on the phone shortly after he passed away. She told me that was the singer of one of his favorite songs, Today, I'm Going to Try and Change the World. So that's why it reminded me so much of my grandpa. I knew his style. My grandma thought it would be fitting if one of his nieces would sign it at his funeral (which she sang, after a slide show, were everyone in the entire church was sobbing. I have no idea how she managed to have the strength to sing....but I'm sure my grandpa had to have been helping her). That's the last time I listened to that song. I just couldn't.
This week, a random Facebook post reminded me about the first song, which I then listened to. And then I listened to his favorite song. And memories from age four to age thirty four, came back to me. To random ones, the funny ones, and the ones that made me laugh out loud. I had a few tears, but finally, my memories of him were coming back to me.
I have some peace.
I have been having a very hard time dealing with the passing of my grandfather. I don't write about it THAT much (I don't think). And I know some of you must be thinking, he lived until he was almost eighty years old. He had a full life. He's a grandparent....grandparents die.
But he wasn't just your average grandparent. And before he got sick, he was extremely young for his age. I always mention this, almost as to defend his youth, less than four years ago, he went tubing in Hawaiian caves with me and my grandma.
And he meant a lot to me. And because he acted and looked young, I took it for granted and just figured he'd be there forever, and my heart broke into a million pieces when he died. And I'm still figuring out, but it's an amazing feeling to slowly have these memories come back to me, in pieces, and be able to get pas the memories of him being sick, suffering, and finally no longer with us.
I'm so grateful that I had someone so amazing in my life that it hurt for so long to even think about them after they were gone, but I'm very grateful that this stage of grief is slowly passing, and I'm able to remember him for who he was.