190000 emotions

My grandma, aunt, and I are staying in the cutest and most interesting apartment in Quebec City. From the back, it looks like a barn and I was kind of worried that Airbnb had let me down...but once we got inside we were very impressed. Ten feet ceilings and clean, with huge bedrooms and big beds to sleep in. I was prepared to sleep on the futon, but my very accommodating ladies decided to give me the bed and share one to themselves. :)

I have about 190000 emotions here.

I haven't been to Quebec City since my split. And...my Quebec City was where my ex's family lived....and where they made me feel like their family while I was so far away from my family. There are also some good memories here had with my ex and his children...that are hard to remember.

And there's the whole losing my job thing. It wasn't a great experience and I'm a little lost, angry, and worried...and I'm feeling pretty fragile.

There's also the bittersweet aspect of my grandpa. We always promised him that we'd take him here when he got better. He never got better. And now here we are. He's here with us...and I had to sit down on a bench for a few minutes and have a good cry. I can picture him asking me how to say a word in French, him totally butchering it, and then asking me sixty more times how to say that word in French and laughing all the way. I can picture him being impressed with the architecture, complaining about the food (he was the funniest of eaters), and just enjoying himself. I'm sad that he's not walking beside my grandma.

But, I'm happy that my family is here. My aunt and grandma could probably have their own reality tv series..., "The Unworldly Travellers", where they'd be filmed on all of their travels. In the last two years, they've been to Las Vegas for a family wedding, Mexico right after my grandpa passed away, driven to British Columbia to visit my mom and a second cousin, and flown to Montreal twice (including this time). I say this lovingly, but I want to record them for thirty minutes and play it back to them, because they sound freaking hilarious. They had a good twenty minute discussion on the way here (if not more) if the green stuff on the left side of the road was reeds or grass and if so, what kind.

As for me, I know that I'll be ok. I feel it in my heart. But I'm sad. I've gone through a lot....and I continue to go through a lot.

But I'm extremely grateful. I overheard my aunt thanking my grandma for bringing her out here. And I thought....my aunt is thankful for flying over four hours to come and work her ass off scrubbing, cleaning, painting, sanding, moving, and unpacking for seven days straight? Now that's family for you.

Tomorrow we'll leave and go back to some kind of semblance of reality....whatever that is right now...

It was a nice visit, I'm very glad I came here, and I'm looking forward to returning to my new home.

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