Social Media Life

Hey there.

Happy Two Week Unemployment anniversary to me!!

No job leads, but I'm still in the early days. I haven't even contacted every single recruiter or really set myself up to do some serious job hunting. I'm still kind of getting things organized...I was on a roll since last week, running around doing errands and crossing things off of my to do list faster than I thought possible.

Then on Sunday...and yesterday, things came to a halt pretty quick. I had a bad couple of days. Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was me missing my family - it was pretty cool that they lived a five minute drive away from me....but who knows.

I've had this conversation several times with several people - and I try not to do that on my blog, but in general, on social media, everyone's life is really great and sunny. Ok, maybe the odd bad experience or trying time is posted, but in general, if you looked at someone's Facebook page, you'd see photos of smiles, laughter, and fun times. 'Cause no one really wants to take photos of crying faces, days spent in bed depressed, or whatever "I'm so overwhelmed with life" looks like. In fact, I think if I posted that as a status, many people would be concerned and my phone would be ringing off the hook, when in reality, I think many people have this feeling.

So, if I were totally honest on Facebook, I would write:
  • That I'm officially newly divorced and it makes me sad, relieved, angry, and resentful
  • That I'm very angry and discouraged with a few people that I worked with at my last job, and I feel really crappy that I believed everything that was said to me, instead of going with my gut.
  • That I feel that I've had a few experiences where I've been treated really unfairly and I'm even more frustrated at myself because I think I should have been able to see through these experiences
  • That I have the odd day where my anxiety takes over and I just simply "exist" for the day. My brain is in a far away place and it's not very nice to be around me.
  • That I have so many insecurities right now and I am constantly asking for validation for the simplest of things. I sent a photo of a PILLOW COVER to THREE different people asking if it matched. A PILLOW COVER.
  • That I want to spend more time with friends, but I get social anxiety.
  • That I see a shrink to help manage my life and learn about what's really bothering me.
But my actual Facebook status is pretty freaking cheerful, smothered with photos of the dog doing random things, updates about my apartment, and "shares" of funny articles.

So right now in my life - things are kind of shit. BUT, the difference between having a shitty time now vs. having a shitty time one or two years ago, is that I know I'm going to be fine. I don't know HOW I'm going to be fine and I'm sure there will be some concessions and compromises that need to be made, but I know that I'm going to make it out ok. I have friends, and family, and Maggie, and a better disposition than I did a year or two ago....and I know that this too shall pass.

I don't know what prompted me to write about this now... I guess because I'm not sleeping very well, I'm not eating very well, and my brain is all over the place. When I'm processing stuff, it comes out in my dreams...which pretty much sucks. I dream all kinds of things and lately, I'm fighting with a lot of people from my past (which makes sense given what's going on).

But enough about the shit part of life. I'm off with my new "To Do List" notepad that I got yesterday (from Dollarama, of course) and off to meet that guy at a park downtown for lunch in the park. We don't eat, we just sit and chill, but it's certainly a highlight of my day.

Happy Tuesday everyone.

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