November Update

Forgive me, it's been a month and ten days since my last blog post.....

But, I've been active on other areas of social media...Facebook, Instagram.....I just haven't felt like sitting down and writing. Although I miss it. I miss having something to write about and just opening up my computer and going.

I think I have a lot going on in my head lately....and it would do nothing but good things for me to sit down and write....but I just can't seem to get going.

I'll start with an update.

I had my 22 day vacation and I needed it. Badly.

For those of you that are lucky enough to not have gotten sucked into to opening a Facebook account, you won't know that randomly, Facebook posts memories and names them, "On This Day". They will post photos that you posted three, five, even six years ago. All I can say that 99% of these, in my case, hurt. A lot. I'm still not at the point where seeing a photo of my ex-step-daughters doesn't make my stomach drop. I go back and forth and question how I could have handled things differently so that they could have stayed in my life....and that's never a fun process.

However, while I was away, a photo of me popped up just before Halloween 2013. Three years ago.

Three years ago, I was going through our "first" separation, I was living in my cousin's basement. I was heartbroken, confused, completely lost, unhealthy.....

In the next three years that followed, I went through a "re-marriage" of sorts, a move across the country, adjusting to live in Quebec and commuted four hours a day for seven months, suffered the loss of my grandfather, went through a final separation and then divorce, moved twice more (once to Montreal and then to my new place), and went through two years of job uncertainty, broke my ankle (or whatever you want to call it - but that seems to be the easiest thing)....and that's not all of it.

So no freaking wonder I feel like a disaster zone.

I think of myself now - and I have my head on so freaking straight. I laugh, I have fun, I joined a choir to make different and new friends (and also now sit on the Board of Directors), I am able to do SO MUCH MORE than I ever could and I'm finally dealing with all of the "crap" that I carried around for twenty or thirty years. Life isn't perfect....but wow, it's a big step up from three years ago.

For once, that annoying Facebook "On This Day" was something that really made me think...and see that I am so much stronger than I believe myself to be, that I have had some amazing life experiences, and that I'm exactly where I am supposed to be.

Montreal is my home.

This doesn't mean that I don't miss my family and friends....I do. A lot. But I think that I'm starting to make some sense of life here. Yay.

Anyway, back to the vacation. Vancouver was cold, rainy, and I came in just as they had warned that a huge storm would hit. It ended up being more hype than not, but with my ankle....I wasn't able to do a lot.
Edmonton was busy, busy, busy....but I got to reconnect with quite a few people that I haven't seen in A LONG time. Like people I used to live in Madagascar with! It always sucks because I never get to see everyone that I want to....but I managed a fair chunk this time and finally I was healthy enough to enjoy myself and not just be stressed all of the time.

Hawaii was A BLAST. Yes, I went with my grandma and yes, STILL, it was a blast. She was very familiar with Honolulu, so she knew where to go and what to do and for the most part, I just followed. I didn't have to look at maps and try to figure things out and it was very nice. Plus, there was the fact that we could bob in the ocean most of the day and then still go out after (if we felt like it). Most nights were early and spent in our cute condo...but I didn't mind. I was there for the sun and the water and I certainly got that.

I wasn't sure how both of us would react to being in Hawaii....since the last time that both of us were here I was married and we were with my grandpa. Certainly we could feel my grandpa's presence most days...but, they were happy memories. He loved all things Hawaii and we each had a moment or two of sadness, but overall it was a wonderful vacation.

Returning to Montreal....sucked. I was sleep deprived, on the verge of being sick, and missing the people that I had just spent the last three weeks with. Loneliness set in...and then I ended up actually sick, and random job interviews were here and there....and I just didn't feel very well. I still haven't returned back to normal....but getting on with things, going to choir and socializing, and going through the motions eventually helped. Oh, and of course, Maggie. I can't forget Maggie. She missed me VERY much and has more more entertaining than ever. This dog gets crazier and funnier every month.

Unfortunately, last week my aunt's husband had a stroke and passed away shortly after. It was a very sudden event and everyone was quite unprepared for his death....but true to form, my family rallied and they arranged a funeral service in a couple of days. Everyone helped and chipped in...and while I won't be there, I know that it will be a very respectful and appropriate service. I somehow volunteered to make the programs for the ceremony - usually I'm good at these kinds of creative things - but I soon realized that it's much different when it's something that will be handed out at someone's funeral. I stayed up late two nights trying to get the template just right....and in the end I think I managed to make something presentable and sent it to Staples in Edmonton to be printed. Technology made this a lot easier....and at least I feel like I'm doing....something....

I know my aunt as a lot of hard decisions and changes to go through right now....and I know that we are all feeling that this is relatively close to the death of my grandfather....

I was rather numb about it until Friday....which may explain why yesterday I had one of the worst migraines that I have had in months or maybe this year. I just managed to finish the funeral program before crashing...

The funeral will be on Monday.

In potentially positive one week (Friday, I hope), I will know if I have a job. I interviewed with an amazing company (three times actually). I want this job. I feel like it's the perfect fit for me, my career goals, and my lifestyle. But there is another candidate. He interviews on Wednesday. I am trying not to get my hopes up...but I enjoyed my interviews, asking my (hopeful) boss many questions and learning more and more about the company.

The job market is slowly picking up - there are more opportunities now, which is good.It's funny, last year I was interviewing at the same time and finding the same thing - it's like end of November/early December people are hiring... but...I don't care because I just really want THAT job. I think that it would be a good fit both let's see. Send me good luck.

A friend mentioned that I should pick out what I'll wear my first day of work at that job to help keep me thinking that's where I'm at.

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