My temp job & asking for help
The stress of receiving my divorce papers, falling down the stairs and not being able to walk properly (still to this day), managing finances while not working, NOT WORKING, and a few other things...finally got to me.
I cracked on Thursday. Not to say that I haven't cracked a hundred times before, but on Thursday, I was inconsolable. I would cry. I would stop crying but my eyes would continue to leak salty tears. I worked out. I walked the dog after my workout, wet with sweat and in a tank top....and I didn't feel the cold. I just felt....like I had enough.
I know that I have many things to be thankful for, that I live a blessed life, that I have many accomplishments and reasons to be proud. On Thursday, none of that mattered.
Thankfully, despite my objections, the boyfriend came over, and just sat with me while I cried. Of course, he was able to get me to cheer up a bit, to come around, to eat something, to get out of this...zombie state of crying...but, I decided I needed help.
I called my best friend, who recently moved closer to me - from Alberta to Ontario - only a 3.5 hour drive - and I asked her to come stay with me for the weekend. She just happened to not have her kids for the weekend so her and her fiancé got in the car and came, arriving late morning on Friday.
I felt instant relief. I just needed....my people. She walked in the door, took off her pants and got a blanket and wrapped it around her like a skirt - just like she has for the twelve years that I've known her. Her fiance is basically a male version of her - and we just hung out, toured Montreal, napped, watched horrible reality TV shows, and talked.
The "help" I needed was just...some comfort.
While they were driving up, I heard her mention that she needs childcare for two weeks for before and after school and that she had to pay over $200 for it. Since I'm NOT working, and I can job hunt from any city in the world, and if a company that wants to interview me doesn't want a Skype interview, I'm only 3.5 hours away....on a completely dry highway (it hasn't snowed enough to stick around yet).
So, duh, of course I volunteered. I just procured myself the job of a 14 year old for a week or two....but it gives me a sense of purpose...and I still have the days to myself. I'll miss my main squeeze....but I need to be around people.
And...the best part? Where they live in Ontario feels like Alberta. We speak English here. People are more polite. It's a small town but big enough that they have a Walmart and a Micheal's should I get inspired to try to pretend that I do crafty things.
I left just after 17h00 tonight. Or I should say, "we" left, as the four legged furball came with me. Man, this dog has changed so much. I was concerned because there are three children (some days there will be five), one six month old lab-mix puppy and a cat. Maggie came in, chased the dog that's about thirty times bigger than her, tried to figure out how to deal with the cat, and then went DOWN THE STAIRS while the cat was on them, and hissing at her. One of Maggie's fears is stairs - but I've been putting her through stair bootcamp with all of the code-violating stairs in Montreal. So now she's a freaking rockstar. She's laying beside me looking at me like, Dude, you coming to bed soon?
Yes, I've put in effort and money into this dog, and yeah....maybe she's a little spoiled, but she went from a dog that petrified of everything and couldn't interact with ANY animal - to this chilled out dog. She still needs work. Every so often the medallion on her collar will hit her water dish and she'll freak the F out and I can hear her feet on the hardwood scrambling....but...I'm pretty happy about this little furball right now.
And I'm happy to be greeted by three children that love me (and yes, that will drive me insane) and to spend the week with by bestest friend.
I might be going through a rough time. And...that's ok.
'Cause I asked for help and I'm doing something about it.