The Game of Life

Well, aren't I the Chatty Kathy these days....

Today, I had another choir concert. It was less formal and was at a geriatric center. It's called that. A "geriatric center". I don't know if I'm particularly sensitive....or if that really sounds...odd. Regardless, it's a Jewish whatever center, where old people live that can no longer live at home.

I had never been and it seemed like it was quite far away, so I offered to drive whoever needed a lift. I picked up two guys at a subway station that was sort of on the way and off we went. My car was making a very odd noise...but it seemed to be fine.

Side note - it really bothered me that I was meeting these guys at at a subway station.'s winter, and one of them is like...late 60s or even 70...and I'm just picking them up outside? I was fully prepared to go to their house...but I think that's kind of a "country" thing. Them city folks are used to going everywhere by public they were just happy for a ride part of the way.

The day was fine, I wore extra bright red lips for Valentine's Day,

and did my hair and all that jazz, and I never even thought twice about anything. (But seriously. Someone actually chose that color green to paint. On purpose. We left it because it was in good shape...but it's so freaking green some days I find it blinding!!)

We arrived safely, despite the noises my car was making, and we had a little warm up and off we went. We walked through the hall at the "geriatric center" and set up in our predetermined arrangement and our Choir Director made the introductions. My stomach fell. My knees felt weak. I had tears in my eyes. Sweat dripped down my back.

I never even thought....that the last time I was in one of these "centers" was to visit my grandpa. It never crossed my mind....that it would bother me in the slightest. 

I debated walking out. I could simply walk out, go to my car, and claim some kind of sickness. 

I started singing instead. Nervously. Awkwardly. Then I made the choice. I could pretend that my grandpa was in the audience, and just like these residents, would appreciate the break in his day by listening to a choir. Or better yet, watching one of his granddaughter's sing. Throughout the concert I had moments where I pictured him near me, cracking jokes, healthy. Others, I pictured him in the audience, when he was sick. 

Regardless, I certainly felt him with me...but I felt extremely shaky. 

I was happy that the concert was over. It felt to drag on forever...and I went to get the car and pull it around as it was snowing heavily. The car made that same noise...but the boys got in and we drove about 3 minutes....and then my car died. Somehow I managed to get it to keep going until I could find a safe parking spot. 

Nice. Winter snowstorm. Farrrrrrrrrrrr from home. Two extra passengers. 

I ordered an Uber on my phone, we took it to the first subway station and then the three of us sat on the subway chatting until we all got off. I changes lines so that I could pick up a few groceries because I imagine with the snow and all of the activity that my car won't be going any tomorrow...since the tow trucks will be out in full force on the main roads...and I don't know when the snow will let up. I took one of the two remaining taxis the rest of the way home and then crashed hard on my couch. My emotions had been in overdrive...but...I made it through. 

Another example of just happens and we deal with it. A few years ago, I couldn't deal with it. The smallest of things would send me into a tailspin....I was so easily overwhelmed...and couldn't deal with....LIFE. 

Now...I think I have those same feelings, with the same intensity...but I pick myself up and keep going on...knowing's all part of ...being human. 

I'm sort of worried about my car....I'm not in any position to spend a lot on car repairs...but...whatever happens happens....and I'll figure it out. It's not the ideal situation...but again. The human experience. I'm sure at one point there will be some tears because I hate dealing with cars....because I have this incredibly sexist view where we women shouldn't have to deal with our own cars and them men folk should do it...but I'm not quite in a position where I want my man-folk to be the one dealing with'll probably work together in some form. 

And the game of life continues. 

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