Bring in the New

I can't decide if I should write the long version or the short version.

Ok, short version since I just deleted ten paragraphs of the long version and am making a second attempt at this.

I bought my old Honda Civic in Alberta, went through a bunch of stuff, then my husband and I drove it across country to Quebec, where we would re-start our lives together....again.

Things started to go downhill on the drive half-way through. I was depressed and fighting just to be ok. We had planned the trip to be a honeymoon/sightseeing of sorts....and I couldn't deliver.

We arrived in our new little city, now to make up a family of four. I tried to adapt to being some type of step-mom to the girls, who are wonderful, but no matter how wonderful they are or I was....again, depression was running the show while marriage stress came in at a close second. Certainly we had our ups and downs as step-parent and step-child (since they were almost of age), but even more certain, I loved when they were around. I learned from them....I loved their energy, it felt like we were all happier when all of us were home. Despite the love diminishing in the marriage, the love I felt for the girls.....still hasn't gone away. OK, back on track.

During this time, my crappy little car drove me to the train in freezing conditions. It didn't get plugged in and it always started.

A while later, that little car carried allll of my possessions in just a couple of trips to Montreal, where I would slowly rebuild my live.....alone. I took little trips with that car. I pulled over and cried in that car. I probably had naps in that car.

A year later, same thing, that car moved me into my new apartment (ok, plus the help of some professional movers).

Last summer, I was off work, and that car carried me and the dog around EVERYWHERE. We spent a lot of lunches meeting my boyfriend, and if it was a rainy day, said boyfriend and I would cuddle in the car....some days we were both so tired we nearly fell asleep cuddling.

This year, when my depression became unmanageable, it was my safe spot as I pulled over to the side of the road and had many a panic attack or twelve.

It drove me to my new job for four months. The job that really felt (and feels like) a fresh start. It's far away (ok, it's 20km away but in Montreal traffic....that's really far! Thankfully I drive against the flow of traffic).

This car has gone through everything with me. I've had a very....chaotic three years....and it's been with me the entire time. I have never thought that I was or would ever be attached to a vehicle.

But it was starting to be more of a burden.....so after a ridiculous amount of thought/worrying/running numbers to see what I can afford....I traded my old car last week.

I was almost tearful as I carried my box of stuff from the old car to the new car. And then I saw the new car....and was in awe. I have never owned such a fancy car in my life. There are buttons and dooodahs that I have no idea how to work....I'm often overwhelmed by all of the technology...

But it seems like a very fitting time for me to let go of all the memories in the old car. Sure there were good memories....even great ones...but, my depression is starting to improve, my life-post-divorce is finally....beginning to flourish....and it was time to walk away from the old car.

It's time to start fresh. And see where the new car takes me.

No comments:

Post a Comment