Year of the Great 38

Hey there. Rememeber me? I used to the girl with a jet setting life, travelling the globe… then adjusting to life in another province – which may as well be another country, and then…I just stopped posting. I mean, who wants to read about my life now? Most importantly….do I really want to spend the time to write about my life….now?!?

A divorcee with her little dog… a boyfriend that she can’t quite decide what to make of…travelling to crappy places only for work…boring job….little payback….yeah….I REALLY want to spend the time and write about that life…

I’ve written about it here and there – but 2017 was Year of the Shit. I’m ask the Chinese that the Year of the Shit to be included in the updated Chinese calendar….but they won’t write back to me….

The Shit
  1. Depression
  2. New job
  3. Family Stress (like, worrying for 2 people’s lives)

I think the three issues do-see-do’ed around the year, repeating some sick dance sequence that made for twelve months of roller coasters, meltdowns, and some pretty big low moments. 

Then, I took a break from it all. I went back to Alberta. I stayed at a very close friend’s place, 50km away from the “city”, with chickens and dogs and the quiet and isolation that comes with living that country life. 

My friends SPOILED me. Gave me alone time. Time to catch up. Cooked meals for me… I just took it all in. I saw my family. A few of my friends. I slept, I rested, I just….took it easy. The freezing temperatures helped keep me from senseless errands and while I didn’t get to see as many people as I had hoped to – I loved having that time.

I came back to Montreal rested and with a different mindset. 2018 is the Great Year of 38 (I just turned 38). This year, I will learn acceptance while living my life (instead of breaking my brain trying to find ways to cope….first I will accept). I will let that shit go. The small stuff. The stuff that won’t matter when I’m 90. Look, it’s a work in progress. It’s not a New Year’s Resolution – it’s my life’s goals. Maybe this is the part that comes to people when they approach 40. Who knows. Another “goal” is to do things that bring more joy to my life. The broken ankle, the depression….it’s kept me from doing so many things. So I am doing something every weekend and starting some kind of activity on Wednesday nights to replace choir. I am going to (once again) try to find a volunteer teaching experience similar to the one I had in Edmonton.

Look, I still fall apart. My emotions have the same intensity as they always did….but their frequency and duration are different….and so are my coping skills. But things are moving and small changes are adding up to big ones. 

So - yes, 2017 was the Year of the Shit, but 2018 is the Year of the Great 38! 


1 comment: