I feel thrown away....





I know most certainly I’ll feel better, happier, settled and build a life for myself.

In theory, that my heart and soul and being will heal...but I just can’t ever imagine it. This is different from my divorce. Different from any pain or breakup I’ve ever had.

I’ve been told I’m doing better than anyone would have ever thought...but I can’t process....that my...Prince Charming....my best friend...my forever, became a person that I don’t know, that I still don’t know, and he told me it was over three weeks and one day ago, packed a bag, and went to stay with his parents’, with me having to convince him to keep all three dogs home instead of putting them in a kennel.

His mind had been made up over the course of 2 or 3 months, I’m still confused. And he wants to support me, and hopes to remain dear friends, and help me financially until I’m settled (I’m beyond appreciative because the common law rule does not apply in Quebec and he’s being very generous...).

But he feels his life is now as it should be.


But he had months to process.


I want to grieve with him, him to be sad, me to feel like he’s actually sad to losing something of worth to him. But a few weeks after I’m out the door, he’s happier and more content,

1. How he ended things is just disrespectful
2. How can I handle...that as soon as I’m out the door, he feels like his life is better? Was I so horrible? How can I handle....”our” dreams...that where lies...and that when our relationship was over, and I’m tossed in the garbage (or so it feels like), he’s living a happier life?


I’m frustrated that I gave in. I was fine to be alone. I was getting rid of the things that were making me unhappy in life, and doing a good job of it, and I had planned on being single for awhile. He came into my life, unexpectedly, and I hate myself right now, for not sticking to my plan.



I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Some days the hurt takes over any sense that I once had.



(And in full disclosure, this is my version of the story. Maybe I’m a terror as a partner, maybe the writing was fully on the wall and I was clueless, I don’t know. He truly can’t be....this deceiving....and this disrespectful of a person).

Comments

  1. YOU are not a terror! YOU are a beautiful person, inside and out. If this person can't see that, then that is their loss, big loss.
    YOU find your peace for you....<3

    ReplyDelete

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