Just NB

So I've written about "all these plans to look forward to", but I haven't eluded to much else. There's lots of change to come and lots of travelling. Two weeks from now I'll be somewhere over the ocean...or maybe in London. I'm flying Edmonton to Calgary to London to Johannesburg to Tana to meet Louis. We'll fly to Toamasina Monday morning, he'll go to work and I'll hang around camp or whatever. I can't remember if March is still warm enough for me to get some pool time in...but I hope so. Two weeks later, we'll both fly to Tana to Joberg to London, where we'll part ways for about a week. He'll fly to Montreal and I'll fly back to Edmonton. After dropping off his suitcase and spending a bit of time at home, Louis will join me in Edmonton for the month of April. He'll help me pack up, spend time with my friends and family, our friends, and spend some time together in good ol' Etown. (At an undetermined date) We'...

This week hasn't been particularly easy. The last month has been a bit of a gong show. Anxiety buildup before Louis came to Alberta, spending a week with him , and then this past week trying to get back to my regular (non-regular) routine. Married life felt really, really good. Married life in the same household, without the pressure of a thousand errands and the countdown to departure date, felt even better. But I spent this week rather depressed. For as much as I have to look forward to, I have a lot going on and...I carry around a lot of baggage that I have to work through. Luckily, there's always the phone-shrink system in place that has worked well for me in the past. But I'm tired of having all of these emotions. Phone-Shrink (PS) & every book I read & anything I can find on the Internet, all lead to the annoying fact that I have to go through these emotions in order to get past them. Never have I experienced such an exhausting process. Like, when the...

I like Social Media. I like reading what's going on in my friends' lives. Yeah, the idea of picking up a phone or writing a letter or meeting up x times a week is preferable, but we live in different times and while I still do the later, social media is sometimes more convenient and easier. And it's a hobby. I follow various people/pages on Facebook to keep up to date what's going on in the different things that I'm interested in (food, fitness, fashion) (Hold Up - ok, let's face it. I dress like I'm going camping 99.9% of the time so I'm not really interested in fashion but I like reading about it for that "one day" where I'll start caring more about how I dress and which prints go with what neutrals, or whatever). I've read blogs for...nearly ten years. Some of the same people that I read in 2005 I still read today. Some of them are even like, quasi-friends (or rather acquaintances) in real life. (Or IRL in twitter speak. Which I stil...

Well, the big day finally came. I somehow survived a week of intense anxiety (mixed with excitement) until Saturday. I woke up feeling pretty good actually. I ate, went to the gym, and even stayed for a second class to try to wear off as much energy as I could. (I joined the Zumba train. I look like I'm like, loser drunk, but it's totally worth a laugh and some cardio as well!!). I was late getting to the airport, like the drive wasn't already driving me insane!!! I watched the GPS showing a countdown of how many minutes until I'd be at the airport. I was focused on driving...getting there on time...but seeing "12 minutes to destination" then "6 minutes to destination"...well, it was just a crazy feeling. Totally inexplicable. Totally overwhelming. Somehow, I made it on time and waited...feeling shaky but dry eyed. (I know, right?) I anxiously watched as the doors opened and finally I saw Louis. Cue the waterworks. (I was getting a little...

I know a few people that did something like all dare-devilish for their 30th or 40th birthday. ( Not like getting lost in the jungle ). Like jumping out of a plane (I know the expression, Never say never, but this is something that I'd never do). {Now I'm not talking about those like, spur of the moment, Hey what are you doing this weekend, wanna jump out of a plane , type of people.} So for months on end (or more?), said 29 or 39 year old is so looking forward to this thing that they've planned for their big "30th" or "40th" big milestone/life event. They know the safety risks involved to make an educated decision. It's something that they just want to do and they feel is right. The 29 or 39 year old can't wait for the special day to be there, can't wait to feel all the feelings of excitement and happiness...but then, a few days before, they start to feel anxious. And nervous. And maybe a little sick to their stomach. It's something...

2013: April: Leave Madagascar (sooner than planned). And husband. And second family. May/June: Get bronchitis at a yoga retreat, tour Prague, cycle Czech Republic and Austria, meet up with friends in Istanbul, visit my dad in Abu Dhabi, visit friends in Luxembourg, return to Canada. June/July: Despite all my efforts...struggle to adapt to Canadian life...in a place where I don't know many people. August: Take a one week camping trip by myself and meet up with friends to tour Morocco September: Move to Edmonton. October - December: Rebuild myself, start to rebuild my life...shakily. 2014: January: Trip to Cuba and reunite with Louis. February: See Louis for the first time since last July. March: Travel to Madagascar for 2 weeks. April: Louis comes to Edmonton for 2-4 weeks. May: Arrive in Quebec to settle in and become part of the working world again. The above is the very abbreviated version of 12 months of my life. (IMPORTANT! I'm not complaining. I know it sou...

I'm so not used to/currently equipped to handle what feels like an incredible amount of judgement. Yes, I was hurt last year. Yes, I've struggled. Yes, I know that any concern is coming from a place of love.  But I'm tired of being judged.  Maybe this is a life lesson...to make me more aware of when & how I judge others.  Or a life lesson to help learn to care less about the opinion of others.  Until then, I'm very thankful & grateful for the support that I have received.  And as of two hours ago, welcome to my thirty fifth year. :)