Just NB

Through some miracle, I am sitting on a plane on my way to down south. It’s all overwhelming, I could barely pack my suitcase...crashing last night around 10pm & waking up around 3:30am to finish packing. But I’ll be on the beach soon. Self-caring, sunning, & taking care of business.

THAT   was a trip and a half. I'm not quite back to where I was normally (some half version of sanity?! 😁) but I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where I really wasn't for a few days. I truly have to thank my friends and family for putting up with me. They answered my nonsensical phone calls, my grandma just hugged me extra long when I asked her too, and a friend from way out East came to visit me, instead of jetting off to a beach vacation when she had the chance, and I reached out to a long-time family friend one morning. When I first arrived in Montreal, things weren't so bright and and I had very little coping skills (also repatriation + reverse culture shock + shaky marriage + lack of proper medical care), I reached out an extremely qualified psychologist. Not a shrink where you sit down and talk about your childhood and how your mom didn't like your drawing enough when you were 5 years old or whatever, a shrink that gets real and teaches you how to...

My blog kinda needs some, ya?  Trying on clothes on laundry day Love making some homemade gifts  My favourite 3 year old!  My dog has started giving me dirty looks?  Very cute hat & scarf birthday gift!!!  All dolled up & ready to go out!  Just woke up on my 40th birthday!!!  Love this.  Was so exhausted but slathered on the makeup here to try & look presentable! Going out with my family for our birthday dinner.  38 years ago. N  Another amazing gift!!! Thanks, mom!!!  My preferred birthday cake of choice. Gourmet donuts cut up to share.  My favourite birthday present! Snowshoes!!!!  The first weekend I had my (now ex) boyfriend over. I noticed my fridge & cupboards made him kinda sad & needed “regular people” food.  A kind friend of my mom’s SPOILED me with all kinds of birthday gifts!!!! What a surprise!!!  Maggie visits grams in the hosp...

Last weekend, I found my (now ex) boyfriend, unconscious, in the cold, in his work van. He had been there for over 4 hours. I had called him to see if he had gotten home safely and then I somehow figured out what was going on. I had to call 9-1-1, because when I got to him, he was non-responsive. He was taken away by ambulance. Like many alcoholics he is kind, caring, responsible, a hard and reliable worker, and always thinking of others. But he cracked. I had no idea that he drank and he hid it very well. At the hospital, when he was conscious, he was told his blood alcohol level was FIVE times the legal limit and the doctor was shocked that he was able to speak, clearly indicating that he was a seasoned drinker. His parents were coming to get him the next day, but I stayed with him for most of the night at the hospital and well...babysat him until 4 pm the next day, where we did an intervention of sorts - obviously not his first - as he was an alcoholic for 20 years (news to ...

I remember this day so very well. I would often feel defeated because we were a group of 21 and I was always the one sleeping by myself, which meant putting up and TAKING DOWN my tent by myself. Sounds easy? It was always hot and humid and then in the mornings, we were always extremely rushed to eat, finish our chores, shower, and get on with the day and if you didn't pack that damn tent exactly the way that you had to - forget it, you had to do it all over again and it was HEAVY.  So when our poler put mine up and took mine down, well, that was a day worth remembering to begin with.  But it was when the singing started. Usually when I travel, I'm a shutterbug, but this trip I barely took any photos and I wish I could have recorded that moment. But then I would have missed the experience. Right before the polers were singing, I wasn't really enjoying life all that much. I had to borrow water and I had to ask multiple people - even those that had over 2+ liters left ...

This is 40. A little sleepy. A little makeup leftover from last night. But still 40. 39 was one of the hardest years of my life but it taught me more than I could have ever hoped. 40 is going to have some bumps in the road. I keep seeing the numbers "40" and thinking I can't possibly be THAT old...I'm still somewhere in my twenties...and then I think...thank God I'm 40. Thank God I was able to spend those years in Madagascar, surviving and thriving and travelling the world. A cross between a gift on a silver platter and a poisonous apple. The joys of living in a third world country where one truly learns about what really matters; the joys of meeting people that I would have never known if I hadn't been 15,000km away from "home";  the joys of travelling the world to the most remote places, seeing the most incredible sights and living experiences to this day that I still can't believe or make sense of; the heartbreaking sadness of living n...