Just NB

If I don’t leave the house than I don’t have to face reality. My grandma has had two strokes in as many weeks. Mild, but enough for a scare. I’m avoiding putting on my shoes so that I don’t have to go to the hospital. I’ve always wanted to have my grandparents stay 67 years old, despite my parents nearly being that age. I just don’t want to lose another grandparent. Edit: it turns out that things are ok. Everyone has to face reality...& my grandma is doing ok.

It has been almost one year since my heart was trashed, since I left Montreal (and have yet to return), and since I showed up on my friend's doorstep, with pale grey complexion, lost eyes, and an even more lost soul. I'm not going to write about every month, every rejection, every battle, every success, every win, because 2019 kicked my ass and I NEVER could have imagined that I would be on the other side of it. But I AM HERE. Not only am I here, but I am still winning. Yep, I'm accepting help from the ones that love me and yep, my finances are a complete mess, but here's the thing, I know SO MANY people that have started from square one at 40, 45, 50, and they have persevered. And while I have my doubts at times and I CERTAINLY have my down moments, I have overcome too much and I have come too far to give up now. I moved to Edmonton during an economic crisis only to see the economy get worse. I had to stop being the one that helped others and I had to take any and ...

I’ll have to write about it more, but this year’s resolution is a BIG one and it’s something that’s been holding me back for some time. I’ve made a lot of progress throughout the years, but in 2020, I’m attacking this one like it’s my bitch. In 2020, I’m going to be working the entire year to be nicer to myself, to be less hard on myself, to have more reasonable expectations of myself, & to be more self-compassionate with myself. I have so many tools & resources already...I just don’t take the time to do them. Unfortunately, since December 30th, I have had a wicked flu & cough which haven’t let me do a lot of planning for 2020 for this mega accomplishment that I’m undertaking. But there is one thing that’s come up twice over the last couple of months that I want to remember, and deals with negative self-talk, which relates to being kinder to oneself (don’t worry, this blog will be more fun this year & not just self-help junk & crying my eyes out). So, somet...