Just NB

*My posts will at least be a day behind. I'll have to go back and add some pictures for this day, it was incredible.* There were a bunch of incredibly timed events and situations that randomly occured so that I could be here. I can't get over how grateful I am for that. While I feel like my heart breaks more every day, I also I feel so incredibly blessed. And...incredibly judged. I don't beleive in divorce, yet I'm going through one. I keep thinking if I explain more, maybe people won't think less of me, but what I really have to learn, is that it doesn't matter what people think of me, before or after this event. Urgh. Enough sad talk. Today we hung around the pool, our rooms, I went to the gym for a bit, and then met up with a driver to drove us into the Sahara Desert. We hung out at a hotel for a bit and then went out where there were three camels tied together in a line. Wowsa, camels are really, really tall. Actually, these aren't camels because t...

Today we are going to chillax around the pool, and then around 4pm, we take a 4x4 into the Sahara desert and then we need to take a camel to get to the last part of our destination. We'll be sleeping in tents. I think this is awesome. We'll spend the night and then come back here to Ermoud (I don't know if I'm spelling that right), and then head onto Marrakesh. So. I've debated and thought about this next part for far too long, and I feel like it's kind of hanging over me. So, currently, Louis is in Canada on vacation. Currently, I am in Morocco on vacation, with very close friends. Y'all can figure it out I'm sure. It's a very tough situation to deal with, for both of us. It's pointless to go into any explanation as to what happened, why did it happen, blah blah blah, because, in my opinion, no one has a true idea of what a marriage is like except for the two people involved. I'm devastated and shaken from this event, and I'm focusin...

Today was A LOT of driving! Starting at nine thirty, we drove through the beginnings of the Atlas Mountains, stopping in a small town built by the French in the 20th century to resemble Switzerland. We had coffee, drove for another few hours where we had lunch (I ate camel, but only a small bite!) and then walked around a small national park where they had Berber or Barber monkeys. They were quite used to people, I was taking pictures of the  babies in the trees, and wasn't paying attention and turned around and there was one standing right behind me! They kind of look like smaller, less ugly baboons, and seemed a lot less meaner.  It's warm and I want to drink gallons of water, but as its basically an all day driving affair, that tendency becomes quite inconvenient. We one unplanned stop so far (for my lack of camel-ness) and I got stuck in the bathroom! The door was broken and no one heard me banging to get out! Finally someone heard me knocking and the driver said that ...

Days are busy and Internet is limited :). I'm not sure what I expected from Morocco, but it is amazing.  I love spending time with the Skillens and this trip comes at a perfect time. I'll be continuing on with them until September 4th, and then we'll fly to the Gran Canary Island after that (for a super cheap flight of like $68, so...lets hope I get there safe!!) for a few days!! I can't wait to post pictures, this place is inexplicable. Off to the desert tomorrow!

Well, it was a freakin shit show to get here, but I made it.  I'm having a harder time here, I don't think I would ever vacation in Casablanca. I just can't get my head around this place! I think most people go to Fes or Marrakech.  I'm far too timid here, uncertain of how my status as a woman should or should not change the way that I behave. I'm respectful with my dress, but I'm not brave enough to be as aggressive as one generally needs to be as a traveller in Africa. I think I'll be more confident when Allen and Silvia get here.  Apparently this is a super hard place to find, because my taxi driver had to consult with at least 9 people, all the while never knowing where to go. It all seemed like a bad dream and then I got here.  Air conditioning, friendly, welcoming staff, mint tea on arrival, and a plate of fruit and cookies. I think this is pretty standard fare in a lot of hotels, but after the day I had yesterday, it just made everything better.  I...

This blog post is part typed, part written, because I was too chicken to bring in iPhone with me, because I've read FAR too much about pickpocketing and I'm being a spazz.   Well, I did it.       (I always like it when my water is safe for babies!)   (The view from my lounger) Scarf: $3.33 ARDENE White shirt: $11.99 FOREVER 21 Tank Top: $5 OLD NAVY Skirt: $10 SIRENS Purse: $8 WALMART Sandals: $59.99 (50% off) BROWNS Bracelets: $3.33 each ARDENE (The blog that we read usually has a full spread of provocative poses, with outfits costing hundreds or thousands of dollars. I've always wanted to do an outfit post like I've read...since I wear ridiculously cheap crap :P). (And yes, I feel way, way, way too old when I into Ardene, Sirens, or Forever 21).   Well, the taxi driver picked me up on schedule. I asked him to stop at a bank and for some water. So he stopped in the middle of the road (cause t...

Whooaaa, newbe travelller issues today. Today, I kinda forgot everything that I learned from my travels. I got a luggage cart myself (in Madagascar, this can be a near aggressive accomplishment), got my luggage without a problem, and then went to the ATM to get some money. Problem: I hadn't even looked up the currency conversion. I tried to crane my neck to a sign at a currency conversion place and saw that it was around 8 Dirham per Canadian dollar. Problem: I can't do math in my head. I took what I thought was enough, I wasn't sure what it would look like outside as far as safety issues (I've only read some sections about carrying money, and in some busier parts, you don't carry much at all. This doesn't apply to the ENTIRE COUNTRY, but I was a little out of it), so I didn't take the usual max that I normally do. After a few men ask me if I need help, a younger man, dressed in what I would think a taxi driver would wear, asked me if I need a taxi. ...

I'm off to Casablanca tonight.  I'm getting a trim right now at the hairdressers. A little surreal? Everything lately (or even more than lately) is more than surreal.  I'm not sure of the exact date I'll be back.  I'm really looking forward to seeing my friends, Allen and Silvia! This morning was a rush to get everything done. Now Louis' house is almost completely spotless, I just have to pack...urgh. I hate that part.  Oh, did I mention Laurie is driving me to the airport? When did she get old enough to drive?!? See ya on the other side!

Below is some great advice, taken from a blog I read from time to time. Sometimes, I'm just after an instruction manual on life.  :) 1.  Learn to trust yourself. “It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.  As you heal and grow, it will all work out.  Relax and trust yourself.” Repeat that in your mind every morning.  Because the truth is, it all works out in the end.  Put your full trust in yourself by following your intuition and doing your best, and then move forward one step at a time with faith and confidence in the future.  Life will not forsake you.  Love, persistence and hard work combined rarely lead a person astray in the long run. If you have faith in your abilities, if you stay true to the path that feels right, if you channel your passion into action, you will ultimately achieve a breakthrough.  In other words, as soon as you trust yourself you will know  how to heal and grow . 2.  Focus on what you’re learning. Mist...

It feels like forever since I've posted in here. Or out there. Or whatever the terminology is... I'm SUPER pissed because Maggie - as in the dog - had a blog post WITH PICTURES saving when my iPhone died. Or should I say, went for a swim with us. While I was enjoying the beauty of Ontario, she took up reading and writing (ok, so it's mega dorky, but in my opinion, it was super funny). Should I find those pictures, she'll set up another post. Right now she's licking her woohaw, and who knows how long that can take. Camping was one of the best things that I've done for myself in a very, very long time. Not working, missing everyone everywhere, was just getting to me. Getting everything together, going out every day to (sometimes absolutely ridiculous) tourist towns/spots, driving to Ottawa to get a replacement phone while sneaking the dog in the mall with me...I didn't want to leave. I felt like who I once was, when I wasn't worrying about job/future/e...

I survived my first solo night camping! Yeah for me!  I'm practically ON the St Laurence river, the campsite is pretty great, and my borrowed dog is having like, the best time of her life. I think the entire campsite knows her, because I'll forget to tie her up and she'll go on a bird chasing party. She did continually wake me up just after dawn because there was a spot in our tent where she could see thru and wanted those birds NOW. She also rolled in crap twice, so she's familiar with the camp-bathing process.  Don't wanna sound like a crazy lady, but she's the best company right now. I always complain about being lonely, but this week, I just need some quiet in my life. I like being mostly alone, with the exception of Maggie, who rarely talks. :) Cooking lunches and suppers may be a bit if a challenge, last night my fire making skills were less than my roots and I ended eating a pre-made salad that I brought for lunch but forgot to eat. My great idea was to p...

All of the unknowns in my life have me feeling like I'm out of control. I feel like I'm living life day-to-day, which is all good, and is what I want, but I'd like to have an idea about a few things in life. You know, like a job, or where that job will be, etc. Just to name a few. I've had enough of it here. I don't feel like talking to anyone, I don't want to hear people's advice on what I could do, I don't want anything except silence and time to myself. Well, in the adorable company of a dog named Maggie. Laurie dropped Maggie off this morning, I went and bought what I needed to go camping, I emailed my mom where I'm going (and I'll probably send the info to a friend here, you never really know...), and then tomorrow we are going camping. I need to prove to myself that I'm independant, that I can be in control of some things, and I need a change of scenery. My trip from Madagascar to Canada was all about distractions. I wasn't ...

Laurie is bringing the dog over tomorrow morning at 0730am. I'm getting some stuff ready, and then I'm going to go camping. Maybe for 3 days, maybe for 5, but I can't stand being in this house. At least for this week.

Yesterday wasn't my favorite day. Spending nearly two full days with the girls, and then having to drop them off, and coming home to....me...isn't a feeling that I like. The trip was awesome and I'm so glad we went, but there's kind of this, I don't know, unpleasant feeling leaving them and going back to life without them. Sure, they're like a 15 minute drive, and I'm certain that at one (or many points) we'll annoy each other if a few weeks when Louis is back, but I guess I have sort of got used to them in my lives, and I like it better when they are around. Last night I had to choice to go to yoga, or spin class, but I chose spin because I didn't think I could deal with the mental aspect of yoga. Spin is easier, you just go and sweat your ass off. I did the whole not go-go-not go-go thing, so I was kind of surprised that I finally ended up going. Half way through the class, I started crying. But, everyone was sweaty, and it was just a 30 second c...

I'm nervous to post this 'cause it all sounds a little crazy. Maybe this is a harsh statement to make, but I'm not a positive person. It's one of the reasons I worry too much, it's one of the reasons I'm not as happy as I could be, and it's actually one of the reasons that I like/am good in my field. There's actually an old-school auditing exercise where you ask yourself, "WCGW", as in What Could Go Wrong , then all of the the possible "wrongs" are listed, and then rated them according to severity and probability. Without even thinking, I do this in my daily life. This is part of my personality, it's part of my history, and, it's part of my future. My Buddhist nun books that I'm reading highlight that everything in the world is in a constant state of change, in which this case, I'm thankful for. In 2007 or so, I read the book, Eat, Pray, Love . (I didn't watch the movie. I wanted to have that book in my head...

I've had so much going on in my head lately, stuff that makes the best blog entries (in my opinion), but I've been too lazy to write about it. As a reminder to myself, I'll make a note: -Write about: how I talk to myself (in my head) during spinning how limiting expectations while thinking about the other person can make things so much easier yoga updates. In the meantime, I'm in New York State shopping with Louis' girls. It's been pretty awesome so far, and if someone would have told me in 2010 that by 2013 we would have a relationship whereby we'd take a mini-road trip together...well, I wouldn't have believed it. I think I'm especially lucky. As a Step-Mom (more on that later too) On an unrelated note, I'm still part-Madagascar-thinking. Good plastic bags (like grocery bags) aren't available in Madagascar, and they aren't really something you think to bring back from Canada. But they come in handy!!! So I take every bag that I come acr...

Well, the dreaded day has finally come. One of the actual dog owners....misses their dog. Imagine that. How rude of them. (:P) Missing their own dog. Pftt. When I found out, I actually started to tear up. I think I'm just a little too dependant on the little mop. But it's nice to take her out and make her run around and she's a distraction while I'm feeling kinda lonely. Although, this week was a lot less lonely - two lunches with friends in one week (I'm a regular social butterfly...) and I'm getting out and doing more lately. Yesterday I took the Metro...and I think I should do it more often to see more of Montreal. I've marked quite a few things that I want to do in Montreal but have been too apprehensive to drive and...well, even more apprehensive to take the train. I hate trains/subways to start with, I'm not sure why. But I want to do it more and more so that it's not such a drama when I do go. Annnnnnnnnyway, to get my moody butt ou...