Just NB

Last week I was not in a good place. I was filled with worry and angst…unsure of myself and uncertain about the future. Trying not to go back and count all the mistakes I made of made or the choices that I should have done differently…. I needed…someone to protect myself from….myself. Well, my brain mainly. I needed a desperate vacation from my brain. The reality of the situation is, I’m ok. I have a very desirable professional profile (as I’ve been told again and again but every recruiter in Montreal), it’s just a matter of time. I’ve managed my finances and yes I’m certainly worried about money…but, it’s….money. As long as I have some and continue to plan and spend as frugally as possible…I WILL BE OK. But my brain was in panic mode….and I just needed a vacation from it. Insert: three children (some days five), my dog, a puppy, a cat, and all of the activities that come along with getting three children ready for the day and the occasional referee in the evening. I try to ...

After a very, very disappointing wait, I found out that I didn't get the job that I'm perfectly suited for. Also, my aunt's husband passed away the week before. Also, I'm getting very discouraged with the lack of jobs....and my lack of employment. The stress of receiving my divorce papers, falling down the stairs and not being able to walk properly (still to this day), managing finances while not working, NOT WORKING, and a few other things...finally got to me. I cracked on Thursday. Not to say that I haven't cracked a hundred times before, but on Thursday, I was inconsolable. I would cry. I would stop crying but my eyes would continue to leak salty tears. I worked out. I walked the dog after my workout, wet with sweat and in a tank top....and I didn't feel the cold. I just felt....like I had enough. I know that I have many things to be thankful for, that I live a blessed life, that I have many accomplishments and reasons to be proud. On Thursday, none of ...