Just NB

 Guys, I have so much GOOD in my life. I did before I started my new job. & while I’ve been anxious AF, I’ve received nothing but great feedback, my work has been recognized, & it feels really good to be using my brain again...even if I am going through all kinds of adjustments & changes... Beginning a management job, in the banking industry, all working from home.  & on that subject, I’d like to share a quick pick of my “new” bedroom. I switched my master bedroom & my spare bedroom so that I would have a bright & big office. Switching rooms has been amazing & I’ve started sleeping SO MUCH better in my cozy space.  It still needs a bit of wall decor, but look how cozy this little room is:  Ok, the pictures won’t upload properly because I’m using my phone...but you get the idea. & one of the best parts is that I have a friend (just a friend) to help me with all of this kinda junk.  Today was a really tough day emotionally...but I’m...

 So, there's going to be a HUGE change happening tomorrow and the following week. I start this crazy, amazing, insanely cool job...but, I'll be working from home. It has been so hard not having regular employment over the last 1.5 years since I moved back to Edmonton and I feel like it's finally my time to get things going.  I have NO idea what anything will look like....I have NO idea how it will all work...but I'm ready for the unique experience of onboarding during a pandemic.  Yes, my mental health is pretty shitty...but I'm doing everything I can do stay in the present, to create (or re-create) better self-care practices....and not giving up. It's scary right now...but I just have to keep going.  I hope to document the beginning a new job in a pandemic journey. It's been awhile since I've had anything to blog about. 

 The good:  I have secured a freaking amazing one year contract with a freaking amazing company. I'm excited and nervous to start, but having regular, full-time work will create a lot of positive changes for me. I'll be working mostly from home due to the pandemic. I'm not thrilled about that but I feel safer this way.  Let's just skip to.... The Ugly: I'm not ok anymore. I don’t want to talk about the backstory...but I’m fighting for my life. Some days, I’m living it. Both require equal strength. I feel all alone. Rejected. I don’t feel like I can take care of myself anymore. Eating, laundry, life....I am tired, exhausted, but going through the motions...hoping that there will be some kind of "fake it until you make it" effect.  I need more support...but in a pandemic I don’t even know what to ask for. I have been reaching out like it’s my full time job. I’ve been doing everything that I’ve learned how to do during this journey into mental health. Right n...