So now its Edmonton-Crazy?
My blog description reads: "A blog to capture my travels, pictures, emotional breakdowns, and amazing experiences...." but some days, I think it should read: Emotional Breadowns 101. (Maybe even Emotional Breakdowns 401 - a far more advanced level than just the intro class?)
Since taking this job I have had ....oh...about nine hundred or so breakdowns. After this week - nine hundred and one (okay...maybe a slight exageration)
On Tuesday (why is it always Tuesdays?!?) I had a really hard day for no particular reason. I had a great morning, helped a friend take her little one to pre-school; did some damage to my credit card; had a nap; and made plans to meet up with some friends for supper. But the entire day I just felt like something was a bit off and was on the verge of tears... more than a few times.
Why? I'm feeling like I'm somewhere "new"....but I've lived in Edmonton most of my life.
A few expats had talked with me about the transition coming home. Their main message was - coming home will never feel the same. I didn't really beleive them. I thought maybe it was an interesting point - but something not really applicable to me. I didn't understand how coming home couldn't feel like....well... coming home?
Guess I shouldn't have dismissed them so quickly because, they were totally right. It felt (feels?) so incredibly weird to come to my home town, my house, and sights/places that I'm totally familiar with - and have them just not quite feel the same. I really don't know how to describe it - but I was expecting it to feel like I had just been on a vacation or something. Nope.
What makes it a bit harder is that I'm having a really hard time explaining to others just what is making me upset about coming home. I can't pinpoint why everything feels different and ....well, I just feel totally Africa-crazy again, but now I'm in Edmonton.
I didn't realize that I had started to adapt to MG living, where everything seems to illogical and I had to change my "Canadian" way of thinking. In MG, I have to be prepared for as many different situations as possible and a simple trip to the grocery store requires about thirteen times as much effort.
And then I come back to Canada, where...everything is the same as when I left - but me. I've seen another part of the world and experienced things that I can't even begin to understand - and then I come back to "normal life" expecting that I'll instantly revert back to the way I was before I left. Wrong!
Everyone had said that going there would change me - I just can't totally comprehend how or what is different. Its confusing, and I thought when I came back to Canada that feeling of confusion that I had for so long (or still have) when I was in MG would just dissapear. I was looking forward to just feeling like I fit in again.
What makes it a bit more difficult is that anyone here can't really relate to what I'm going through. And, I've noticed through this whole expatriate process - I'm all about having someone else relating to what I'm thinking and feeling. I guess it makes me feel less of a lunatic if someone who I don't think is a lunatic is feeling/thinking something similar to me.
So, I had my breakdown, called someone (who didn't help at all); calmed myself down, got a phone call from someone else (who helped a bit...), and then went for a run and grocery shopping. I think its *almost* impossible to run in the dog park near my house and not be in a better mood! And grocery shopping was super fun and exciting because I haven't been to a REAL grocery store with like... eggs/milk kept in the refridgerated section; an actual selection of like...everything; and a meat department that doesn't have a smell so bad that I gag.
My problem to overcome with coming back into Canada is to not have expectations on what I "should" be thinking/feeling while coming back. I should just chill out, let myself feel weird, have sleepless nights, and enjoy my time while I'm here.
Another...kind of weird thing - is that I totally miss MG. I have complained A LOT on this blog about how crappy things are there - but...I kind of have been missing living there. The ocean, the sights....and most of all... my expat friends! I have found myself wondering what they are up to and thinking about them.
I'm so happy to be here and spending time with the people that I have missed so much...but I miss it there too!!
I guess there are negatives everywhere in the world...and even though life in MG is a lot harder...and makes me half-crazy half of the time...I still can't get over what an amazing place it is and how lucky I am to be living there for two years.
Since taking this job I have had ....oh...about nine hundred or so breakdowns. After this week - nine hundred and one (okay...maybe a slight exageration)
On Tuesday (why is it always Tuesdays?!?) I had a really hard day for no particular reason. I had a great morning, helped a friend take her little one to pre-school; did some damage to my credit card; had a nap; and made plans to meet up with some friends for supper. But the entire day I just felt like something was a bit off and was on the verge of tears... more than a few times.
Why? I'm feeling like I'm somewhere "new"....but I've lived in Edmonton most of my life.
A few expats had talked with me about the transition coming home. Their main message was - coming home will never feel the same. I didn't really beleive them. I thought maybe it was an interesting point - but something not really applicable to me. I didn't understand how coming home couldn't feel like....well... coming home?
Guess I shouldn't have dismissed them so quickly because, they were totally right. It felt (feels?) so incredibly weird to come to my home town, my house, and sights/places that I'm totally familiar with - and have them just not quite feel the same. I really don't know how to describe it - but I was expecting it to feel like I had just been on a vacation or something. Nope.
What makes it a bit harder is that I'm having a really hard time explaining to others just what is making me upset about coming home. I can't pinpoint why everything feels different and ....well, I just feel totally Africa-crazy again, but now I'm in Edmonton.
I didn't realize that I had started to adapt to MG living, where everything seems to illogical and I had to change my "Canadian" way of thinking. In MG, I have to be prepared for as many different situations as possible and a simple trip to the grocery store requires about thirteen times as much effort.
And then I come back to Canada, where...everything is the same as when I left - but me. I've seen another part of the world and experienced things that I can't even begin to understand - and then I come back to "normal life" expecting that I'll instantly revert back to the way I was before I left. Wrong!
Everyone had said that going there would change me - I just can't totally comprehend how or what is different. Its confusing, and I thought when I came back to Canada that feeling of confusion that I had for so long (or still have) when I was in MG would just dissapear. I was looking forward to just feeling like I fit in again.
What makes it a bit more difficult is that anyone here can't really relate to what I'm going through. And, I've noticed through this whole expatriate process - I'm all about having someone else relating to what I'm thinking and feeling. I guess it makes me feel less of a lunatic if someone who I don't think is a lunatic is feeling/thinking something similar to me.
So, I had my breakdown, called someone (who didn't help at all); calmed myself down, got a phone call from someone else (who helped a bit...), and then went for a run and grocery shopping. I think its *almost* impossible to run in the dog park near my house and not be in a better mood! And grocery shopping was super fun and exciting because I haven't been to a REAL grocery store with like... eggs/milk kept in the refridgerated section; an actual selection of like...everything; and a meat department that doesn't have a smell so bad that I gag.
My problem to overcome with coming back into Canada is to not have expectations on what I "should" be thinking/feeling while coming back. I should just chill out, let myself feel weird, have sleepless nights, and enjoy my time while I'm here.
Another...kind of weird thing - is that I totally miss MG. I have complained A LOT on this blog about how crappy things are there - but...I kind of have been missing living there. The ocean, the sights....and most of all... my expat friends! I have found myself wondering what they are up to and thinking about them.
I'm so happy to be here and spending time with the people that I have missed so much...but I miss it there too!!
I guess there are negatives everywhere in the world...and even though life in MG is a lot harder...and makes me half-crazy half of the time...I still can't get over what an amazing place it is and how lucky I am to be living there for two years.
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