Lonely vs Alone

I was thinking today...I think I like Quebec (less the fact that there are NO coke slurpees. This is just ridiculous). 

Although I should try to incorporate more fun/touristy ideas in my week, I've been running around doing all kinds of errands, sort of maybe learning the city, and potentially feeling like I could make it here (note: a post next week might be published how I hate it here...). (My priority is still to work overseas, but that's only for a few years).

There are so many things to do here, so many new places, so much fun to be had. Alberta will always be my first home, but I think I could get used to living in Quebec (especially if I could find a place that sells Coke slurpees).

Last night and yesterday I had no plans, didn't do any errands, and didn't go to yoga. One reason was because I wanted a blizzard, and I think that's the last thing that you can eat pre-yoga, but another reason is because I'm trying to occasionally stop with the errands and activities and just be alone, which at this point ends up with me being lonely. I wasn't sure how it would go, and sure enough, I didn't sleep well, I was anxious and lonely, and today I'm more emotional, but I was lonely, I didn't distract myself, I made the best of it, and the world didn't come crushing down on me.

Yes, I got the inspiration from my Pema Chodra books, where she describes a Buddhist process whereby you partake in an unpleasant event (that you would typically avoid), with the knowledge that this is something you're doing for the long term benefits. Kinda like working out, I guess. Not everyone feels like doing it, but you keep at it for the long term benefits.

So, I had a full 24 hours without any distractions, I slept poorly, I'm more emotional (surely relating to the lack of sleep), but I did it. I'm sure that eventually, if I continue this practice, I'll come closer to just feeling like I'm alone at the moment, instead of feeling lonely. (I don't know really. This could be a bunch of crap for all I know, but I'm trying this shit out and it makes sense to me:) ).

Today I'm running errands and going to yoga. The errands are more of a necessity than wanting a distraction (although I admit its a secondary effect that I think I need), and the yoga is for my overall well-being.