New Years Eve Eve
This never-ending cold that I can't shake is having an impact on my mood. I was SO excited to move into my new place (even if it's only for four months or so), but I've been able to do practically nothing, because I've been flat on my back most of the time. I make sure to go out every day so that I'm not crazed with cabin fever (today doing perhaps a bit too much like shoveling my driveway)...but I'm kinda down.
Stuck in the past, wondering what could have been, what should have been, what might have been. Wondering what I could have done better, going over again and again a list of what could/should/might be my biggest regrets.
I try to stop this. It's not healthy. It's not productive. The decision to end our union was made and there's nothing that can change that.
And then I start worrying about jobs. I've been looking for a month or so, probably one of the worst months to start looking for a job, and there haven't been many bites. I was supposed to have a meeting with a recruiter today, but I had to postpone it because I was just too sick. I'm not sure if that sets a negative impression from the start, but there was no way that I could fake "healthy" for that long today. I have another one tomorrow and I'm sleeping with a bottle of Nyquil by my side in hopes for some magical healing powers.
And then there's tomorrow. A house party, filled with some of my favorite people. I don't know if I'll be able to go. I wanted some kind of big celebration to ring in the new year. Not because it was so horrible, but because I MADE IT THROUGH and I have tons of good memories from it, and I feel lucky that I got to experience the year. Ok, so lots of it sucked. I went through some pretty crappy things. But I made it through. And letting my cold turn my mood into some twisted version of It's a Wonderful Life isn't helping me in any way.
So tomorrow, sick, well, or somewhere in between, I'm going to continually count my blessings. As weird as this year as been, I don't think I've ever felt luckier. Yeah, a lot of things still suck...but this year showed me just how wonderful my life already is. When I let it be.
Stuck in the past, wondering what could have been, what should have been, what might have been. Wondering what I could have done better, going over again and again a list of what could/should/might be my biggest regrets.
I try to stop this. It's not healthy. It's not productive. The decision to end our union was made and there's nothing that can change that.
And then I start worrying about jobs. I've been looking for a month or so, probably one of the worst months to start looking for a job, and there haven't been many bites. I was supposed to have a meeting with a recruiter today, but I had to postpone it because I was just too sick. I'm not sure if that sets a negative impression from the start, but there was no way that I could fake "healthy" for that long today. I have another one tomorrow and I'm sleeping with a bottle of Nyquil by my side in hopes for some magical healing powers.
And then there's tomorrow. A house party, filled with some of my favorite people. I don't know if I'll be able to go. I wanted some kind of big celebration to ring in the new year. Not because it was so horrible, but because I MADE IT THROUGH and I have tons of good memories from it, and I feel lucky that I got to experience the year. Ok, so lots of it sucked. I went through some pretty crappy things. But I made it through. And letting my cold turn my mood into some twisted version of It's a Wonderful Life isn't helping me in any way.
So tomorrow, sick, well, or somewhere in between, I'm going to continually count my blessings. As weird as this year as been, I don't think I've ever felt luckier. Yeah, a lot of things still suck...but this year showed me just how wonderful my life already is. When I let it be.
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